Chivas Regal

Shoes on the floor in front of me
People on the bed behind me
I just want to feel their presence

I saw such a sadness and fear in her eyes
I’ve never seen anything close to that before
She was frozen in one spot just watching
I didn’t know what to do
Everything in my head screamed to do something
I almost screamed out loud
All my energy was on staying calm and silent

A laugh behind me as the flirting ensues
Jokes fly across the room, constant bantering
Comfort and familiarity close around me

He shrinks away from our hands, not understanding
He wanted my help, sitting on my head
Trying to get my attention, but I just ignored him
Had I done something would he have been ok?
I’ve always given help when asked and this time I didn’t
The pain in her eyes will now haunt me forever

He’s sitting on the bed and I want him next to me
To hold me and tell me its going to be okay
That I’m not the failure I think I am
But he’s laughing and smiling, attempting Trivial Pursuit

I’m having trouble breathing and I want to scream
Beat my fists against this hill I can’t climb

The movie flickering on the screen divert my attention
Pull me out of my reality into theirs
The mocking and humor continue about me
I attempt a smile with trembling lips

He was lying there shaking, not looking at all like himself
The boy without an eyebrow is terrified, glued to his chair
The boy with an attitude screams for me to do something
I don’t know what to do and neither does he

The movie ends and someone flicks through the channels
Flashes of a football game, scenes of war
Glimpses of a music video and cartoons roll in front of me
Everyone is laughing and talking about the show

My mind wanders as I look at the wall of books
He gets up and walks shakily, knocking into things
We coax him to the ice cream and the water
She sits on the floor and longs for her mother
I see the scream she is holding inside
Please be alright, please just be ok

A commercial jolts me back to reality
His name flashes across the screen
I look at her and she looks at me
In an instant our shoes are on, goodbyes and hugs are exchanged
We walk down the driveway and begin running down the street

He looks at us and whines, please help me
He’s pacing and upset not being able to control it

The phone rings and makes us jump
A mother, my mother looking for a glue stick
I press the pedal down harder

They are smiling looking up at the stage
Mouthing the lyrics and feeling the beat

Her road, her driveway, her porch
We pull open the door to her house

The crowd goes wild as the song ends

He jumps up with a bark and kisses for us

Everything releases and its ok

For now