torch the part of me that’s you

Would you lie to me? Could you look me in the face and tell me that you are over me and you don’t love me? Can you talk to me like you care because I’m a friend and not like a love? I know its really hard. But I can’t have you. And you are dangling this in front of my eyes. Something I want, something I had, something I screwed up. We walk the streets side by side, silently. I can feel you there. Wanting to help but not being able to. You lost the right to help. You no longer have the privilege of making me smile. I realized that when I realized I had lost the same right with you. Its a power you no longer hold over me. Its a power I can no longer wield on you. I hope you realize this is not your fault. I hope you understand I will never be with anyone the way I was with you. We had comfortable silences. We lost the right to have those too.
I feel the rain falling outside. I hear the stars go out as the sky crashes down. No one touched me like you. No one saw me like you. Saw through the lies and the bullshit and the complications. Can we return to a place where everything was ok and the double-edged clover did not destroy? My luck has run out and I need another charm to work on you. I want to see what we would be like, happy and together. I wish for an elixir to make my friends breath again. Everything would change if the only cause of death was old age. But wishes are like cancer, destroying what is beautiful. Pain is what makes us stronger, allowing us to fight back. Darwin was right. And that is why I am dying. And you are living.