** Crown of Thorns**

She sat on the cushion in the empty van. It was hard. So was he. And they said it was love.

She could see him looking at her through the corner of her eye. And when he reached for her hand, she could feel it in her spine. That long curl that burns its way from bottom to top. Makes the hairs stand up. Pin prick feeling in your feet. It’s Magic. Like you’ve been walking around Disneyland all day wearing god-awful shoes, converse, with no give, and now you’re sitting in the car with your bare feet hanging over the drivers seat in front of you. He took hold of her naked ring finger and held it. Staring. The feeling crept to her neck. Chills.

"I love you" he whispers.

And he leans in to gently kiss her lips, using his tongue to pull her closer to him. Its wet. Wet and hard. And tingeling. Always tingeling.

He slides his hand across her stomach. Holds her face. The back of her next. Slips his fingers through her hair. Kisses her harder. And she breathes as he lays her down.

She’s impatient now. He keeps pulling away. To look at her. To smile. But she can’t help but grab for his face. She’s thirsty. So thirsty. And his kiss is so wet. So sweet. So much in love.

"What do you want, baby…" he coaxes.

But the words won’t come out because she can feel his hands all over her at once. Thousands of little fingers covering her body. Her face. Her neck. Her chest. Between her legs. Inside her. And she’s hot. Reaching for anything she can find, pulling him in, drinking him up. Like the hot chocolate grandma makes at Christmas. And only at Christmas. Get it while you can. Drink him while you can.

"Tell me baby…"

And his fingers push deeper and deeper inside her. She opens wider and wider. So inviting. So alive. And this is love.

"C’mon, now, what is it… you gotta let me know… I can’t unless you let me know, baby…" in her ear…

"You know…" she breathes between sighs. Chills. Sighs and chills and she breathes in betweeen…

"You want it baby," he pleas, faster, more and more erotic, more and more exciting. Uncontrolled. He can’t take it. So much wanting, So much waiting.  "Tell me baby, c’mon… you wanna be my bitch?" and deeper.

And the night goes silent. In one instant. In one instant the night goes silent and she sees flashes of light and feels the beating of the hands on her body. And she hears the screaming. And she remembers the pain. And the guilt. And she forgets about the boy and the magic and Disneyland, and grandma’s hot chocolate and Christmas and breathing because it suffocates her. You bitch. My bitch. You  wanna be my bitch?

She caught him off guard when she pulled away. In a ball. Curled up in a little ball with her legs pulled tight to her chest as the tears started to flow and the flashing lights drowned out the sound of his voice. His hands on her back burn like the third degree. But he doesn’t know this. And he continues to reach and she continues to cry out in pain. And still he reaches because he’s scared. He’s scared and he’s in love. And she was crying harder now and he didn’t know why.

"Baby, baby what’s wrong? C’mon baby, don’t cry, please… please look at me, you gotta tell me, what did I do?"

But it’s all so far away. She’s so far away. Did I hurt you? Like the breeze whipping your hair in your face in the middle of the cold desert in winter. Babe, are you okay? Please look at me… Like the hot cement burning your bare feet in the middle of summer with a mile still  to go. Oh God, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry…

And days go by before she comes back. But when she does it’s the same as when you come home to visit and nothing looks the same. You know you’re in the right place, but nothing looks the same…  like that Save-On never used to be there, it was a coffee shop you and your firends used to go to after school. But they tore it down and now its a drug store. So different. Unfamiliar. He turns her over and pulls her close. His hands comfort her. Soothe the burning. Rub away the chills and the pain and the memories. And her head is burried in his chest for eternity. And there it is the same.

"Just breathe.. do it with me… just breathe…" he whispers. His arms wrapped around her. Her heart pounding against his chest, making it shake the way it does behind his drum set.

"Tell me what I did, please…" He whispers, turning her face up to his.

And for a time she can’t say anything. Can’t look at him. Can’t open her mouth for fear that the memory of those nights will come back and pour out of her. And never stop. But she’s tough. So tough. And finally, she looks him in the eye… "He said it too…" she cries, and the tears burn her cheeks as they pour from her bright green eyes, making a pool on his bare chest.

And in an instant he knew.

"I didn’t mean it like that, baby, I swear to God I didn’t. I’m sorry babe, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry, please don’t cr…" and he pulls her closer, rubbing her back, petting her hair… wating for the tears to fall.

And outside the crickets start up again. And the cat from next door is banging his tail against the trash can. And the stars are teasing eachother in the night sky.

And finally they stop. And her breathing gets heavier. And he figures she fell asleep. And just before he allows himself to join her, he feels her grip tighten on his hand, and her fingers move to his ring finger. "I love you, too." She whispers. And slowly she drifts away.