Family Visits and Stress

“Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, that to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.” ~ Henry Miller

Okay, so today should have been a good day. It should have been fun and entertaining. I mean, my parents came to town. Darry, Dulce, my parents and I all went out to lunch and then hung out for a bit just browsing in some stores. However, it wasn’t fun by the end. I was just so stressed out and annoyed by the end. What’s wrong with me?

I woke up early this morning and I knew my parents were coming up. Had a nice morning just relaxing and enjoying the quiet of our flat. Got ready and my parents called. We picked up Darry and Dulce and that’s where things seemed to just go down. We went to lunch and it was nice. We had Mexican food and throughout the whole meal it was like I didn’t exist. Darry dominated the whole lunch conversation with law school stuff and graduation. My parents didn’t seem to notice that I existed. Sometimes I don’t mind this, but sometimes I feel like I have to elbow people for them to notice me. It’s so annoying.

Then we went and wandered around some stores here and that was fine. We dropped Darry and Dulce at their home and then my parents drove me back to my flat. However, on the ride back all mom could talk about was me and my job applications for the company. How I needed to write cover letters to a bunch of people and that I need to try really hard about getting a job there. I need to look at books on interviewing and all that. There is not a conversation any more that doesn’t have something to do with me working for this company or finding a job. I realized this the other day when my mom called my cell and I had missed the call. I was hesitant to call back because I didn’t want to hear about how I needed to find a job or do things for applying for a job at this company.

I’m fucking tired of listening to what I need to do to get a job and what people I need to talk to at the company to get a job. This is so fucking stressful and I can’t keep listening to it. The moment I speak up though, my parent’s will be, “Bella, this is your future, you need to start getting things in order.”

No shit. I’ve put in my applications for many jobs. I’ve done a lot of things and I know there are things that I still need to do. However, not every conversation I have with you guys has to be about getting a job or the future. Can’t we just once talk about something other than a job and the future. It’s getting to be too much and I can’t keep listening to it. I need a break from everyone breathing down my neck about this company or that company.

I wanted to call Big C and rant to him, but he isn’t home. I’m just in tears and I can’t shake it. I need people to stop needling me about getting a job. I feel guilty about feeling this way, but I just can’t handle this pressure. I never understood why some people have a hard time visiting their family, but I’m starting to understand now.

Was suppose to go to Kenya’s rugby match today. However, not able to do that because did the whole family thing. I feel bad that I punked out on him about that, but I can’t just ignore my parents when they come to town. I hope things get better because I don’t want them getting any worse.