Confusing And At Times Lustful Thoughts

“Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to except life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.” ~Henry Miller
 
I worked at my internship today. It was a little intimidating at first, but once I figured out what I needed to do things got a little better. The woman I work for was out today, but the man was in. I had to write press releases, public service announcements and various promos for two events that our hospital is sponsoring. The man told me to write the promos, but didn’t explain what he wanted done exactly. I sat at my computer and tried to write what I thought he wanted and then he asked me how things were coming and I told him that truthfully I was quite lost and didn’t exactly understand what he wanted. He realized he didn’t explain it much at all and then showed me the two programs he wanted all of this written about.
 
After discovering what I was actually suppose to be doing, things went swimmingly well. He had to leave for a meeting at another hospital at noon and wouldn’t be back until after I left. He told me to finish up and then head home. I was out of there at 1:20 and headed back to try and get a doctor’s appointment.
 
I laid in bed last night with the worst ear ache in the world. I thought I was getting an ear infection, so I called the doctor’s office and couldn’t get an appointment till tomorrow. Well, it hurts in my cheek, my neck, my ear and throat. I asked them if I just walked in at the student health center if I would be able to see some doctor. They found time to squeeze me in with the doctor I like. She looks in my ear and tells me that it looks absolutely perfect and my throat is in great condition as well. She worried it was something called TMJ, but it doesn’t seem to be that because my jaw is fine. She gave me a decongestant and told me to take some pain reliever for the pain. She thinks this will decongest my Eustachian tube which is probably what is causing the pain.
 
I swear, today I have gone through Aleve like there is no tomorrow. I’ve taken about five of the damn pills, which the doctor said was fine. However, it is absolutely unbearable. I mean one minute I don’t feel anything and the next minute I want to bust out crying from the pain it is causing. I just pray that it goes away soon because it’s really getting to me.
 
Vinnie and I went grocery shopping together this evening. It was hysterical. He has improved, he made a list this time. He helped me pick out ripe mangos and I helped him pick out ripe oranges. It was funny. Manny asked him to pick up a bunch of instant noodles. We both agree that one goes through phases with instant noodles, despising them and then craving them. I can say that it has been quite some time since I have eaten instant noodles.
 
I had a few thoughts regarding Manny lately. I think at times I still have feelings for him. I mean, you don’t quit caring about a person because you stop dating them. The night we all went out for my birthday there were a few moments when I thought I would like to be with him again. But, those moments had a lot of alcohol shading them; lustful thoughts.
 
However, I do care about him, as a friend. He is a great guy and one day he will find someone who is perfect for him. However, sometimes I want to be that one who makes him happy. But then I remember what it was like to date him and how he is a wonderful guy, we just don’t have that much in common. Then there is the other aspect of trying to be friends without making things awkward. We are friends, but I sometimes worry that he might think I want more. I know I don’t want more, but sometimes my heart says, it could be fun. Such annoying stress. Stress that doesn’t need to be had.
 
I need to type up a response to a book we read for my popular literature class. Going to do that tonight before I go to bed. Then get up early and go to the library to study Spanish phonetics. I’ve been neglecting that class. Then I’m headed to classes and the career fair. Three days this week where I actually have to wear professional clothes. I’m almost feeling like an adult. Almost, thank God. I’m not ready to be a real one yet. Maybe one day.