Some things.

1. I’m 29 weeks today. A little less than 3 months to go. I’m exhausted all the time again, plus the morning sickness has decided to make a reappearance. Other than that, though, everything is going well. Baby is healthy and right on target. At my ultrasound yesterday, I found out that she weighs 3 and a 1/2 pounds, which strikes me as impossibly cute.

2. I have four close friends, all with kids Max’s age, who are pregnant and we’ve been doing this ‘together’, if you will. It’s been so great. We have a running group text going every day, we complain and support one another, we hang out often both with the babes and occasionally without. It’s just been a huge help and so much fun with the added bonus of the fact that we’re all going to have kids that are the same age, both of them. I’m very lucky.

3. The first of those friends gave birth to her little boy this weekend. We all went to the park yesterday for a playdate. She is super human. I can’t imagine having the energy to do that so soon.

4. Eric and I have been together for 10 years now. Have I mentioned that previously? Married for 7 years this month. It’s crazy. He is the best father. I am continuously impressed with how wonderful he is with Max, and with me. He’s still my best friend and I’m so glad he’s my person.

5. Seeing movies is my number one indulgence still. There’s nothing better than giving the boy to my parents and heading out to a movie, sometimes with lunch first. Occasionally a friend will join, but often it’s just me. There is nothing better than this for a pick me up and to recharge.

6. One difficult thing is balancing my need for space and independece and desire for alone time with a very, very affectionate and, by nature, needy toddler who adores the hell out of me. I love him to pieces and love the extra closeness he and I have and feel really lucky to have this, but sometimes it’s claustrophobic. Thankfully, if i can get a few hours away, even if its just sneaking upstairs for a bit, it helps tremendously. But that isnt always an option. I wonder if the new baby will be more independent, less of a total cuddle monster. If maybe she’ll be a Daddy’s Girl. Who knows.

7. I’m scared to have two kids. I feel like I’ve gotten the hang and am good at having one kid. But that’s over soon and it’s scary. I’m scared to have a vaginal birth if things work out this time. Last time I had to have an emergency C Section after 15 hours of labor. You’d think the latter would be scarier, but it’s the unknown maybe? I’m scared to have another baby during the blob phase those first 3 months. Hell, even till 6 months. I’m not really a fan of those early months. They’re really fucking hard and draining and I prefer little tiny people who can walk and be super cute tiny humans to helpless babies.. I’d skip those beginning months in a heartbeat if I could. I’m scared to give up the ease of life we have right now for what could be a long time of chaos with two. I’m scared of all the unknowns. I’m scared to love another person as muh as I love Max. I can’t imagine I’ll have the room in me to love someone else that way. Every time he gives me a big scare, when he gets hurt in a non-insignificant way for example, I feel like ‘I can’t do this. I dont have it in me to care THIS much’, the way my heart plummets and I can’t breathe for a minute and the terror that something very bad has happened and if it has that my world will just fall in. It’s awesome to have this sort of love for the boy, but fuck it’s scary.