up, through, over, start again.

sometimes a group of days go by and you don’t realize you’ve been knocked down until you start to pick yourself up. your surroundings are relatively the same, but somehow everything looks different. you realize you’re growing up and that these days, the ones that knock you on your ass, are just part of that. the transitions you need to go through to become the you you’re meant to be. and you struggle and you try and you smile sometimes and others you’re reduced to a sputtering mess of tears. and it’s not all hard. sometimes it’s moments of pure and absolute bliss and you wonder what it was that you could have possibly done to deserve it because it’s just that perfect. but sometimes it’s so hard that you want to stay under the covers and shield your eyes from the light until those fucking clouds pass and your tears dry.

i suppose it’s just that i’m starting to figure out that this is just what you do. you grow up. and this is all part of it.

next week

December 17, 2003

I’m so right there with you, lady.

Growning up is overrated. It’s the first step in growing old.

daylight fading

I feel this so much right now. Last week all I could do was smile and now this week stupid things make me cry. I wish that I could find a happy medium.

bob

you’re just earning all that wisdom you’ve been going to your mom for, becoming that woman that others will look to for guidance. it’s hard, but i suspect it’s well worth it.

jls

Such wisdom. I will remember this entry.

NicoleAlison

oh sweetie, i hope everything is OK now. This is an incredibly wise way of looking at things. Of course, that is just who you are. Brilliant and intelligent and nothing could ever get you down!

bachelorette

i know. i really do. xo.

SilentSignal

Playing with Light

When we were ten we couldn’t wait to grow up… it seemed so glamourous and so “the thing to do”, the way to be. And now we look around and realize that it’s way better and way worse than we ever imagined, ever in a million years. Happiness was a balloon and sadness was a dead goldfish, and now we’ve got so much sheer joy and utter agony that it hardly seems real. >>>

>>> It just makes me wonder if it keeps going, if it keeps growing exponentially and we look back on thirty when we’re sixty and think that we really didn’t know joy or sorrow at all, we just thought we did. But I digress. I just came to say, and now look what you’ve gone and done! 😉

*looking up* I left out a very important “hi” in that last sentence. How pathetic am I? *laughing*

Beautifully said.

merlot.

December 18, 2003

Such a powerful entry… beautiful words.

yup.

*breathless*

That’s why I emulate Peter Pan. …

ValentineGuy

December 19, 2003

They can’t keep a good woman down…

it is.

I’m back but won’t note much. I burned my left hand pretty badly and typing is tough.

i’ve really enjoyed growing up, myself… rollercoaster, sure, but far more ups than downs.