Entry for Monday… in case you are like me

and forget what day of the week it is.

I started to get ready for PT today only to to realize as I sat on the front porch waiting for the dial a ride buss that it was Monday.

So I came in the house and did my usual things like phone calls to the car rental place trying to get a hold of the manager to try to arrange payments because we cannot pay that whole bill at once, calling to set an another appointment with the attorney so we can try to get our money for the totaled car we have not gotten yet, cancel lunch with my garbage lady (LOL hey make a friend where ever you can right?), filled the bird feeder and their water dish. Shoo away as many yellow jackets from the humming bird feeder as I can before getting stung — no I don’t do that last one… I am scared of those little suckers… the yellow jackets – not the humming birds… and they seem to do a good job of either chasing them away or eating them I am not sure.

I have started to diet and do the exercises my Physical Therapy people gave me to do at home…

I am trying to meditate more on God and such… I have an appointment with Lumpkin Community Mental Health on Wednesday…. I am having sever anger issues at the moment… not with anyone … just feelings that are there and sometimes I want to throw things across the room…. NOT GOOD. Sometimes I wish I were just having the depression feelings and not these other feelings. I don’t know where they are coming from, or why. I need to find out why I am not a calm serene person anymore. It may be because of this last accident I don’t know. I decided to take my paper journal to my appointment as well as give them the URL here and to my MySpace (Even though they are exactly the same entries) as well as take my chart from my Psychiatrist in FL.

I want to be the happy carefree person I was 7 years ago before my first accident. I wish I had the memory I had then, the stamina/energy I had then, the strength I had then… The lack of migraines I had then. But this is the hand I was dealt with so I will play it out.

I am trying not to be so negative. I am trying to see the positive in things. Enjoy the nature all around me up here, the quietness (when Autumn and Pop Pop are asleep and Kal is at work)

I have been trying NOT to sleep during the day at all. (I used to lay down when Autumn did for a nap) I hoped that this would help me sleep at night – but it isn’t. I am still having sleep problems to where I cannot shut my mind off or I fall asleep for an hour or two and am wide awake again until god knows when.

Positive – positive – think positive…. well the last time I told you my weight when I got on my FIL’s scale I weighed 244 yesterday I was 241. Not much but a start and I don’t ever count the first 10 pounds anyway – they are water weight – especially when you are have that little friend come visit you every month.

Lets see what else is positive. I guess things that I am thankful for is positive right?

I am alive. I can breathe with out the use of machines, I have all my extremities and fingers and toes, I can see, I can hear, I have a house to live in and food to eat. I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, that even though she prefers the men in the house – it is Mommy she calls for when she is in need of comfort. I have this diary with friends here I can converse with. I have a husband who loves me. I have beautiful birds to watch outside my window. Most of and and the most important two things I am thankful for…. God loves me & Jesus died for me.

If you are not a believer in God or Jesus, it is ok. I still love you and will not judge you or try to cram my beliefs down your throat. I am one of the ones who feel that our differences in what we believe make us all special and I love to learn about what others believe in with out debate. I love to truly learn. 🙂

Until next time…

All items © 2005 CAMElias/Dakk O’ta unless otherwise noted.