I’m spilling the beans

Dear Diary,
Ok here goes…..I assume we all hide things in our lives here but I am just going to spill it all.  Life isn’t always just a bowl of cherries and everything is peachy cream.  I have to admit that I do admire GrayTabby because of her honesty. 
Well I was born in California, Pittsburg to be exact.  Actually, I don’t remember that incident and frankly it’s probably better that way.  My childhood was quite an awakening as my innocence grew into awareness.  I suppose when you are young, very young you pick up bits and pieces of what’s going on.  A major even I remember is when we went to an airport to pick up my grandmother, my mother’s mother.  She was quite ill with cancer and came to live with us.  My mother put her upstairs in a bedroom and took care of her along with a nurse who would come and assist.  I thought my grandmother was wonderful even though she couldn’t speak.  She gave me some holy cards and I really loved them.  My mother didn’t come into the room when I was there so I don’t remember how much they visited. 
The day my grandmother passed away, I was underfoot with policemen and parents and was whisked away to spend the night with one of my parent’s friends family.
I didn’t partake in the funeral or burial so that was that.  I remember my mother giving me my grandmother’s blanket and I refused to have it.  What 4 yr. old wants their dead grandmother’s blanket? 
Soon after that my mother’s younger sister came to live with us.  She was a teen then and we drove her insane by putting on her makeup and getting into her clothes.  She had a lot of responsibility taking care of us while my parents worked.  My uncle was there off and on coming to visit whenever he could.  My father’s brothers and sisters all lived East so we never saw them. 
As I grew older I started to see the flaws….drinking, gambling and my parents away much of the time.   I rarely saw my father and my mother was there after we were off to bed.
I remember my parents fighting about money a lot and my mother yelling about him spending too much of it.  We lived in a comfortable home and during those years three of my brothers were born.  I have to say that I didn’t play with them much because they are so young and all I wanted to do was go outside and romp on the hills and sit in my fort. 
My aunt disappeared during that time too….. off to college.
One day I remember my mother coming in and telling us that we were moving.  She told us we could pick out one toy and we would be selling the rest in an estate sale.  I was extremely upset!  Leave my dishes, my ironing board, my dolls, my rock collection, my cowboy things?  I asked my mother if I could give them to my good friend Tina.  She said ok, so I packed everything in my wagon and dragged it over to Tina’s house.  Her mother felt really bad but I told her I was glad Tina could have them instead of selling them. 
I remember laying on a mattress in one of the bedrooms while the contents of our home was being sold off.  It was devastating.  The next morning with the car all packed up we left for the east coast.   My parents didn’t talk much as we drove from state to state.  I remember the car being full of essentials and children.  I was quiet most of the trip but we did stop at some tourist places to break up the monotony. 
When we arrived in New Jersey, we drove to my father’s sister’s house and settled there until we could find a house and my father could find a job.  In California he owned and operated 3 thriving restaurants and lost them all in a gambling bet….nice huh?   I found this out much much later.  I couldn’t believe he was THAT thoughtless!
Living with my cousins was not fun.  TOO many people and not enough room.  We did have some laughs and I had my cousins to play with so it wasn’t all that bad.  I just missed my house in sunny California.  They lived across the street from the Raritan Bay so we played there a lot.  I remember being terrified of the horseshoe crabs that wandered around the docks.  My cousin loved to chase me with them and I would scream and run.  One day my cowboy hat blew in the bay and my cousin did jump in and get it for me.  I loved him for that.
To be continued……