medi-fucking-tation

Anyway, I was wondering if I could be a pretty ballerina and also have the same pompous ‘I meditate better than you’ attitude of Craig Karls. Lol J/k. not really. But it would be nice to be able to meditate and do something that has even more measurable positive effects on the body.

I learned tonight that meditation increases our fucking TELOMERASE! Telomerase are used in cell-division and DNA replication. The implication is that people who meditate age slower than those who don’t meditate. So how’s that.

They can’t prove it, of course, because science is a bitch and it’s all like ‘PROVE IT’.

but it seems legit. I also did some moving meditation earlier, and I do definitely report all of the symptoms of it. It’s rather refreshing. I’m also engaging in what is known as ‘intrapersonal communication’, as opposed to ‘intERpersonal’ when I type all this shit. Psychologists say that intrapersonal communication is a way to make sense of the world for many people. I say it’s a form of meditation, and possibly a form of mental masturbation.

Every day I wake up, i choose love; I choose life.

Here I am with all the pleasures of the first world laid out for me. Who am I to break down? It’s too easy just to fall apart.

(sorry those last two paragraphs were song lyrics)

I’m also excited about hanging out with this guy tomorrow. I hope he’s as good a lay as he was when I first met him, and hasn’t had a stroke so half his face isn’t disfigured or something. God, I’m superficial. But it’s okay! because i’m american!

I also went to work today, and I also met with my sponsor. I had good remarkably fruitful introspective communication with both of them (being grant and bob). I had a really good thai meal that I’ve never had before, and then I had a shit ton of caffeine with a starbucks drink. it was nice. i also interacted with B and D a little, and the kitchen is messy. which pisses me off. I cleaned their fucking mess last night, and they can’t…………………… Well, I’m sure they probably had busy days, and it’s pretty reasonable of them to just want to clean it tomorrow, i guess. Then, because of all the research I’m doing on stretching and physiology, (which isn’t much), I increased my flexibility by quite a bit through dynamic stretching and tandem interoception and proprioception based on intRApersonal communication, with an emphasis on moving meditation/mindfulness. Basically I danced and listened to music and touched my toes all at the same time. I’m a good boy! aren’t I?! aren’t I?!

LOL. I’m silly.

I also had my sponsor babysit me while I filled out my Food Stamp renewal sheet literally TEN FUCKING DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE! I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore. Much like I claimed that emotions are arbitrary attachments after the fact, I’m starting to see that one’s personality or whatever can also be the same. I mean, I’m not usually super diligent about that stuff, and it’s so incredibly out of character for me to be acting so reasonably that, quite frankly, I’m astonished, and I don’t even really know who I am anymore.

I’m okay with that. It actually feels like I’m opening myself up. I’m allowing myself to be able to be anyone who I want to be. As opposed to chaining myself down with these stupid preconceived notions of ‘WHO’ I am, I’m deciding to embrace the limitless possibility that I have inside of me. That we all have inside of each of us.

Enough pollyannaism? Ok. Ciao.

J-