Is this aftercare?

Or something?

If it is, I dig it.

Today felt good. I woke up incredibly late (at like, 4:45 pm), and ended up not going to work. I did however, go out to dinner and get a delicious meal! It was incredibly yummy! I then got laid, by the ex. I initiated it. I’m not emotionally hungover.

so… I’m gonna do a little experiment, and you’re gonna be privy to it. I’m gonna put my socks on, go out and buy a sugary drink with change, go for a little walk, and then come back. When I come back, I’m going to immediately do all the dishes in the kitchen, Finish my Christmas Cards, Write an Email to Conduit (the dance company I’m taking lessons through), Make my bed, and maybe start a bath.

I’m gonna document my feelings before and after.

Now, I’m feeling pretty good because I’m listening to really good music, I got laid, and I had a good meal. My ex gave me a nice little flatscreen TV, and filled up my gas tank. I got one of my favorite newfound dishes ever! it’s called like, Ga Xao Gung, and it’s available at Pho Van restaurants. It’s ginger chicken, with rice and green beans. FUCKING NOMS! (nom is internet slang for chewing.. aka, eating is nom-time. food is nom-noms.) I also feel strange because I had disconcerting interaction with Dennis where he judged how late I was sleeping in, which I suppose is reasonable, but it made me furrow my brow, so I’m assuming it’s causing some type of emotional distress. I’m feeling kind of sad because I’m missing Nathaniel. He’s a really good influence on me, and I haven’t been to the gym since he’s been away, and I’m trying not to beat myself up about it.

Okay! now, I’m gonna get headphones, go for a late night walk, and do all that stuff and then document how I’m feeling. ready? BREAK!

boom bang pop

Just did almost all that shit, except for make my bed. scratch that. just made my bed.

Guess what, I’m almost crying. I have a great sense of accomplishment. I feel at peace. I feel responsible. I feel clever. I feel caffeinated. I feel thirsty. I feel…

LIKE I JUST FUCKING CATHARSIZED ALL THAT SHIT OUT OF MY HEAD. I cleaned the kitchen, so I don’t feel gross about walking in there. I feel responsible for having done that shit and cleaned and whatnot. I set up my little television so that I could watch it in bed and now I need to send an intention out for a DVD player. I listened to a voice-recording I made while I was in Michigan this most recent time – sober, and was struck my it’s candor, so I decided to make another one. I filled out my Christmas Cards, so all I have to worry about now is mailing them. I feel so lucky. I organized some shit, I mean, my fucking jacket is hung up, for pete’s sake! I emailed my dance lady.

I found a nice pair of columbia gloves on the ground outside my apartment, and they fit me just right. I took them from outside and brought them into my room. I’m gonna ask my sponsor if I can keep ’em, but he’s probably gonna say no. But I figure it’s worth asking. Maybe I’ll end up asking around the apartment complex and returning them and then incur even more positive karma or whatever. Who knows. But I want some gloves, dammit!
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I got a text message from this guy I really like who understands what recovery entails. He’s really adorable, and we had great sexual chemistry and we’re supposed to watch a movie and cuddle on friday night and then get breakfast on saturday morning.

needless to say, I’m excited!

Life is good right now. Still taking it one day at a time.

J-