Why the “Aftermath?”

I have this friend, his name is Noah. Noah is obsessed with Adam Lambert. Now, Lambert doesn’t sing music I’d typically listen to. I’m a country girl born and raised, with a little bit of classic oldies mixed in. But. Noah is nothing if not relentless. So I gave it a try. And if Noah can be relentless, I can be stubborn. It took a quality you tube video of a live performance, some other friends raving about the wonder that is Adam Lambert, and the video of "For Your Entertainment," before I was intrigued. And now I’m hooked.

One of Adam’s songs is called "Aftermath." I’ll post the lyrics here, but I view that as kind of the theme song for my diary. Music is a big part of my life, and while I can’t sing, or play, and I’m not a music snob. I find the lyrics, the words in songs speak to me sometimes. This is how it was with Aftermath. Just real quick, here’s the lyrics to it, then I’ll get back to talking about me.

Have you lost your way? Livin’ in the shadow of the messes that you made
And so it goes, Everything inside your circle starts to overflow
Take a step before you leap, Into the colours that you seek
You’ll get back what you give away, So don’t look back on yesterday

Wanna scream out, No more hiding
Don’t be afraid of what’s inside
Gonna tell ya you’ll be alright
In the Aftermath
Anytime anybody pulls you down
Anytime anybody says you’re not allowed
Just remember you are not alone, In the Aftermath

You feel the weight of lies and contradictions that you live with every day
It’s not too late think of what can be if you rewrite the role you play
Take a step before you leap into the colours that you seek
You give back what you give away so don’t look back on yesterday

Before you break you have to shed your armor
Take a trip and fall into the glitter
Tell a stranger that they’re beautiful
So all you feel is love, love
All you feel is love, love

I stated before that I had a diary on OD years ago (think 2002/2003 time frame). From there I moved to a smaller, closer knit diary site (In the wire, anyone?). When that wend belly-up I was devastated. I had made friends, I knew details about people’s lives and they knew details about mine. Out of the ashes of ITW came Journal Community, and a lot of ITW’ers ended up there. And it was nice. Then, again, the site became too large, too expensive to maintain and again, I was devastated.

Friends and favorites scattered. Some went to ground, others moved to various other diary sites. I became discouraged, no place felt like home. Livejournal was too overwhelming, Bloop seemed full of kids. I stopped writing, and I stopped keeping up with friends from previous sites. Writing was and always has been my outlet. I’ve got a great group of "real life" friends at my university, but there’s something about taking pen to paper, or even fingers to keys and letting the thoughts flow.

But I’m getting off topic. When I told my friend Noah that I was going to start another diary, and that I’d named it "Aftermath," he asked "The aftermath of what?" And I don’t know, not yet anyways.

Is it going to be a look into the aftermath of my life so far? The aftermath of opening up here on OD< to yet another audience? The aftermath of my education (the end of which is rapidly approaching)? Maybe I’m rewriting the role I play?

This diary will probably have its ups and downs. I’m pretty sarcastic and pessimistic as a rule, but like anyone I have my good days and my bad. I struggle with depression, and life in general some times, so that may rear its ugly head every now and then. That’s just me. This journal may end up containing ramblings about accounting, spreadsheets, religion, politics, life, death, love, loneliness, and heartbreak. It may contain out pourings of despair and hope, joy and sorrow. It may contain lyrics from people who can say what I’m thinking or feeling so much better than I can. It may contain my few and far between attempts at creativity.

But in all this. I vow to be… unashamedly… me.

Leah.