A Private Noter Asks….

"I am so curious as to how you will keep this from your husband. Do you see this a step toward moving out? What if you take a break from working and then have to give up the place? Not raining on your parade, I think this is really cool, just curious. "

I’ve been asked by a select few, besides this dear reader, how I keep this all from my husband. Well, best way I can describe how I do this is that I see clients mostly during the day when he is at work. I also see one or two in the evening but not very often to not arouse suspicions. I also have 2 small children and dont like to be away at night so I can put them to bed. I dont know HOW I do this…I just do it. There is a certain set of understood rules clients must abide by as far as calling me on my cellphone. Nearly all respect that. A few people who dont fully grasp how I want things learn quickly what my expectations are.

Strange business it is. I am a paid servent to them however…I am the one who is worshipped, gifted, appreciated, respected. I do give all of myself but I get much more in return besides the money.

When I was thinking about going into the business after horribly failed love affairs, I asked my best friend if she thought I was capable of being an escort, a cortesean, a sacred whore. She said, "yes, if you can keep it compartmentalized." So far, I’ve acheived that. Not sure for how long. Everything has a pay-off, and I dont just mean monitarily. What is my sacrifice? Does it even feel that way? Not at all. I am living the double life that some women desire or fear. Do I fear getting caught? I should…but I dont. I think its like fire…to be respected, feared, contained. I know the danger exists but as long as I take necessary precautions, I am ok. As in…not leaving a candle burning…with my business, never stray from how things should be done.

Do i see it as a step closer to moving out? No, this place was obtained for the purpose to serve my clientele, as a place of passion, my Temple. It is made by me, for me, to act out what I am clearly meant to do at this stage in my life. It also feels very powerful and liberating to know I can afford to do this because in this marriage….not a good marriage…I am not able to have things the way I’d like them, am not permitted to make decisions and feel that I am not respected. IF I chose to leave, I have a home…a very NICE place to call my own. I have 2 young children to care for here at home. I DO NOT want to make this a career, something I must do to support myself and children if I left. You all know I’ve been unhappy a long time….I am scared to break up the family even if it means my sanity sometimes. Maybe escorting is my escape…somewhere and something I love and enjoy, where I can be ******(professional name) and have no worries. I can dress in jeans and tight top or garters and thigh highs with spike heels if it pleases them….then i come home and I am mommy again. It is difficult to switch gears from escort to mommy, I can tell you that…if I am gone, much like I was today, and I miss my children (who are with my mom or school) sometimes I feel like not seeing a client and seeing my sons…but I dont book my day so much that I cant do that.

Anyway…I am sure this is all quite alluring and curious. I dont know HOW I do it….as I said..I just do it. Taking a break, as the dear reader asks, is not an option now, I must look ahead to assure my rent and bills will be paid. I know I can rely on a few clients to help if I need it, but I need to find my own way. I am commited to self and regular clientele to not quit for atleast a year…its too fun to be thought of as work, honestly…if it becomes a struggle or feels like work it will be time for me to stop.

So, tomorrow….new client, 2 hour appt. Tomorrow night, regular client 1 hour appt. Thursday, new client, 1 hour appt. Friday-Sun OFF. night kids, Im going to bed. To sleep. LOL