Quick Update

Hey. Thanks again for your thoughts. Im not really in the state of mind to write, to talk. I had little hope that I’d hear from Alan, even no hope. He has proven himself strong and has not contacted me. Maybe he has spent enough time away from me to realise what he felt for me was not love. Im sure he misses the sex. But what he felt for me, he has likely realised he was just obsessed. I dont know. I guess its easier for me to accept that, then to think he’d be in love and be so cruel to stay away. People still dont let me talk about him, and I dont bring it up.  I still think about him but not every moment as I once did. It makes me cry if I do.

I made a thousand dollars yesterday seeing clients. Just 2, but it totalled a grand. I never thought I’d see a day that Id make almost $2,000 in one week. I have about a 2 week wait for clients to see me, and they seem willing to wait their turn. I’m enjoying doing this….it keeps my mind off him, and also allows me to be someone else while enjoying what I love to do. I’m going to open up my own account because I can’t hide this much money. It will be my first time having my own account. I recently bought myself a Palm PDA to keep track of my scheduling. I haven’t charged it yet but I will on Monday. I cant keep up with remembering who, what and where by memory anymore.

I am trying to pry myself off this couch to shower…the Renassiance Festival is in town, today is the first day. I have some sinus issues going on and I dont really feel like going. Maybe once I shower I’ll feel better.

Anyway. That’s about it. I know I dont sound happy, I am basically operating on emotional emergency generators.

I miss him so much.