again

I’m really struggling with my sense of self-worth right now, which is why normally when I would at least note, I’m having a hard time even doing that. I guess I’m still struggling with the fact that they let me go out of nowhere and I still cannot find work. Admittedly there are others with worse problems out there, abuse survivors, cancer survivors, but it’s hard to remember that I’ve got it easier than a lot of people when I cannot find my way out of this haze. I’m slowly doing it though, it’s just taking a lot longer than I’d like. If nothing else, I look around me even now, and notice that my house is a damn nightmare because the depression is so bad I can’t even be bothered to clean my front room. That’s got to change. I’ve also decided that if I cannot get a job by end of December to mid January, I’m going to ask the Oregon Employment Department to help me with the steps needed to start my own small business. Financially I guess we’re doing all right, I am finally able to get Andrew the camera lens I’ve been promising him. As well as pay off several small bills, I just hate the fact that he’s the sole earner. Makes me feel like I’m lacking somehow, but again, I need to work past that. I’ve got a couple friends who are battling depression for different issues, but I also figure maybe by helping them I can help myself.