Moving.

Saw a picture of Amber with her boyfriend today. It’s one of the pictures from a photo booth, with four shots.

A question from the study guide from church: What are some ways the Spirit of God has led you in the past?

He led me to him. He led me away from my learnings from “Conversations with God.” He led me to Summit. He led me to the UCF film program. He led me away from Melissa, and into healing. He led me to my new home. He’s led me to inspiration for films. He’s led me to trust him. He’s led me to go places at certain times where he was needed and worked through me. He led me to my friendship with Amber.

It didn’t hurt me to see her with him. And smiling, and making goofy faces.

Does it seem like the Spirit guides you more often or less often than he doesn’t?

I think it’s about half-and-half. I say that because it’s not as if often I feel him telling me to do something — it’s rare that I am completely directed into something with my understanding. He guides me through my day in that I constantly run things by him, whether or not I receive a clear answer, I at least give it to him first, and am hopefully given discernment.

She called the other day. We talked for a little while, about her future, about her relationship (just a little), about…me, my bike that I’ve bought, about my debt (my horrible debt)…and then I had to go. It was a fine conversation. I liked talking to her. I miss her friendship, and it was just (almost) like normal.

What do you think that says about God?

He is faithful. No matter how I’ve broken our covenant, how many times I’ve messed up, knowingly or by mistake, he has kept his promise, he has delivered for me even in the times when I wasn’t following him well. He gives. The most important things he provides without even my doing anything on purpose.

I didn’t go on facebook for a week because I didn’t want to see her status updates anymore, and I wanted to stop thinking about my feelings in facebook terms (Jon is happy, Jon is sad). I’m trying to appreciate people around me. Relationships tend to make my other friendships look pale in comparison. I am trying to love others, I am trying to enjoy what God has put around my life. I am content with what he provides.

What do you think that says about you?

I think the opportunity to look back at all that God has done for you is a great thing. With Exodus and Genesis, it’s not just a history, it’s a confirmation of G-d’s hand on all their paths. Looking back helps me to remember it is utterly a shame that sometimes I don’t trust him. Look at all he’s done for me; and all that without my help.

What’s hard is trusting him when he’s not answering. Like, I want to be her friend. Should I call her? Should I not call her? But it allows me to trust him even more when he’s telling me to get on, and not where to, exactly…

And his answers change sometimes. Sometimes it’s in his will to do something. Other times something else is better, or more important. And other times still, those things he used to call us to now hold us back.

He wants us to depend on him for everything.

I painted with the Spirit. Just because it is inspired, doesn’t mean it’s any good. 🙂