ghost

Tonight was a great sermon from Summit, my church. I unexpectedly went to the night service (after my car wasn’t working) and — the spirit is always present in my worship, but tonight even before the sermon I could just palpably feel the spirit filling the room.

The sermon was about the Holy Spirit, how he moves in us and, the spirit moves where it pleases. So, that’s a bad summary, but I’ll post the link to the podcast when it goes up.

What I got from it: you can see the spirit moving whenever you see a group of people laying down their lives for the kingdom (this is not speaking in warlike terms, like dying while fighting, but more like humbly deciding to follow the Spirit wherever it leads no matter the consequences). This hit me. Laying down my life. My desires. Everything for him.

The other thing was allowing the Spirit to direct you, like a windsurfer learning to catch the wind.

This all set me up for seeing Amber at church. I haven’t seen her in a month and she came up to me. Her hair is blonde now (from black). I don’t know how I would have been seeing her if I hadn’t just left that sermon. She talked about mostly small-talk-topics (school, grades). I listened. I had to pray during it that he would be there in my weakness, because I was nervous and trying to keep my mind on you and sometimes my heart would wander to what it wanted to, and I’d have to correct it on the fly, as she talked to me.

It went fine. We hugged a few times. It was pretty eh.

During the service, before I saw her, I think I came to peace with it. I forgave her for everything this morning in prayer, not for specifics, just everything, wiped away. In church, I just remember thinking about it (before the lay-down-your-life thing, which completely got rid of any thought of her) and feeling like I wouldn’t really like to be with her anyway, anymore.

And after the sermon, I knew it was okay. The Spirit leads where it will, and all I need to do is lean into it, for comfort, for direction, for the rest of my life.

I blindly follow.

My new house, an old house that I share with 5 other men. I like it.