The danger of a diary: repetition.
This is what I get from it: I was going into a relationship. She wasn’t.
She was, but she wasn’t. She wasn’t fully there.
I made a mistake after she said she wasn’t ready, when I made the decision to keep being as close as we were, and becoming even closer through that.
So the hurt I feel is partly my fault. I should have treated my heart with more care; protected it better.
The other parts; the leaving so suddenly for her ex-boyfriend; the way she so simply gave up on us once my sin showed itself; how our friendship has almost completely disappeared: I just can hardly blame her for it. She wasn’t committed to me. She wasn’t ready.
I hurt. I miss her. She’s happy. She’s gone.
And I think about how different things could have been, had I decided correctly to keep safe my heart. A lot of hurt could have been avoided. A friendship could still exist. And she’d still be back with her boyfriend. That’s okay.
Thinking of you.
Warning Comment
you’ll drive yourself nuts if you continue to think of “what could have been.” if things had been different, you would not have learned from this experience because it never would have happened. each heartache just better prepares us for our ultimate relationship. they tell me it’s out there. it’s just a matter of it finding you…and you recognizing it when it comes (not the other way around).
Warning Comment
Having been through a tragedy of enormous proportions, I have to say that if you trust God completely, then you must believe that everything happens for a reason. Not only that, but that the outcome COULD NOT have been different because God is in control all of the time. You can say “coulda woulda shoulda” but you have to trust that if God is leading your path, then no matter what you did, it could not be contrary to God’s design and knowledge. I can sit here and wonder if I had gone to the hospital sooner, would my twin boys still be here? I have to somehow trust that the Lord was leading my steps and He knew and designed that this would happen for His glory. Just a thought.
Warning Comment