Pour out!

I went to the space shuttle launch tonight, the very last one that will be at nighttime. Amber and I drove out there and talked and were open to each other. I’m amazingly attracted to the girl, and we get along and we like the same things, but something’s not right.

I’m going to be praying that God would change my agenda in regards to Amber. I know what it was (dating), and now I’m constantly confused as I don’t have any idea what it is (it feels to me that I don’t want to date her. Weird, right? I don’t like it. It was much easier when I wanted to, but just being friends with a funny, beautiful, God loving girl — what? It doesn’t compute; I’m hearing the words and I don’t understand them).

I know that God has put Amber into my life (and she feels he’s brought me into hers) and I don’t know why. Friendship seems so…not marriage, so not feel-y. So not what I wanted.

But I really like her as a person.

God is Good. He’s not allowing my old ways to work here. And, he’s (as always) having me learn a new language as I go. Asking me to give up my dreams for his reality.

The dream, sometimes, is so nice to think about.