I’m sorry, help me.

When you really do think about it, 9-11 is very hard to comprehend or understand. And I believe God grieves it; I was thinking about it today, all tonight really, and I was angry and confused and — it’s just so complicated, and whenever I felt like that, I also felt God right there with me. I only get a taste of it, since I had no one die there personally, and some of these things I’m dealing with stem from how this government is being run at the moment — and if it is at all in line with what God would want. My friend tonight on the phone told me his father was laughing one night about the whole thing (Iraq) and how no politician or media talking-head will ever say what it is: “a war between God and the devil”.

Is it? I can see that, yeah, but: which side is God? It’s a lot more complicated than that. I told him that, especially in the christian life, motive is the most important thing in one of these situations. So America’s on God’s side and Iraq is on the devil’s? I don’t think that’s what my friend was trying to say. I think, generally, human history can be regarded as a battle between God and the devil — but in the case of Iraq, where the true motives for going are completely blurred (and I’m sure there were some good ones…) I just know I wouldn’t be able to say that what we did, the way we did it, was neccesarily what God wanted — or, maybe He did — but I can almost guarantee you it’s not the way He would have wanted it done.

I think the entire situation can be redeemed, most likely not during this administration, mostly because they can’t show weakness.

(What’s going on? This is all too big for me.)

What can I do about it? That’s not rhetorical. Is there anything I can do about it? I can pray. I can pray. (I can pray…)

I mess up and yet I still feel loved, and I don’t deserve it — but what is love? Love isn’t deserved. I don’t think. (Is it?) Love is a gift, hopefully given freely — gifts aren’t deserved; they are appreciated. Hopefully. Anyway, no one is past forgiveness. But to be forgiven, one must admit one is not perfect, must admit they are human, must admit they bleed, and they die, and they don’t want to.

Why do you love me? Why do you take me back every time? I don’t know how to live my life for you. This is very hard. Lord, I just want to sleep. I just want to forget. I’m sick of messing up. I am a slave to so much. You’ve set me free, but I’ve held on to my unlocked chains. It isn’t safe here. Why am I staying?

chimerarose

haha in the words of a very eloquent friend of mine, “fighting for peace is like f*cking for virginity”. And I think everybody deserves to be loved. (haha I tried to save it with the f-word but apparently that is not allowed on Open Diary).

I always think of the battles in the Old Testament when I think of this war. God was brutal in his attacks on the enemies. He destroyed their entire nations in battle…he was not lenient nor kind to whomever was in the way of his army. He was vicious. Why would it be different today?

whorenextdoor

September 16, 2006

Duke

September 17, 2006

ryn: The rule of fives is “Imagine where you will be in five minutes, five hours, five weeks, five months, five years.” A way to let loose the pain of right now by looking forward. Makes sense to me and works – hit or miss. But better than nothing.

if it doesn’t go perfectly, I will destroy a lot of friendships that are pretty critical to my life right now, not to mention it will make the living situation (and morning bus rides) awfully ackward. Way to ruin my optimism!

Interesting that you’d link man killing man with woman killing unborn child. There is a huge difference. The men are TWO separate individuals capable of surviving without each other. The woman and unborn child are one. The unborn child is living off the mother and is incapable of surviving without her. All murder questions aside: Is it not the woman’s body, this unborn child? And…

Furthermore, the question of what is freedom is a game of symantics. I am talking about freedom in relation to “the freedom to choose.” You see, a woman must have ultimate right to choose. It is her body, irregardless of a growing child. Until that child is able to survive outside the mother alone, that mother has ultimate say over everything having to do with it, it is her body. Hers.

The sensitivity of where this child is located makes it difficult. Does this unborn child have rights or not? When? Why shade these lines? Until a child can survive outside the mother, it shares life with the mother. It is the mother. It consumes what she consumes, goes where she does and well, is the mother. Simple as that. The woman has the right to choose what she will with it…

(eg. Can we control if the mother smokes while pregnant, does drugs, drinks?) Barely. Hardly. She has free will. She has the right to choose, that freedom. As soon as we start whittling away rights, ever so slowly.. we begin the slippery slope to eliminating everybodys rights somewhere. Whose rights will we begin chipping at next? Yours? Mine? A specific race? A specific religion?

I hope you understand this debate is in all friendliness. 🙂 I’m not being hostile and sure hope you aren’t either. Thanks for the intellectual stimulation, nonetheless. 🙂

An Atheist

September 18, 2006

RYN: My main issue with Professor Nof’s explanation is that it is essentially ad hoc – there is essentially no evidence that anything he suggests would have actually taken place. The simpler explanation is that it is a story and never actually took place.