Truth is so cliché.
The reason, I think, I’m feeling so angry and confused is because I don’t like my living circumstances? I don’t take care of my room, and my roommates (two of the three) are already treating me like I’ve moved out, and when I’m there I’m either sleeping or wasting time. This could all be fixed, at least with the upkeep of my room and how I use time, and I’ve been placing the blame on me and how much time I relegate to God, not as if there is a certain amount of time that is required, but…I like “The Dresden Dolls”…Sometimes I feel like God is a really trying relationship, like sometimes I don’t feel like — happy. It’s a little more complicated than that, sometimes I just get lost. I forget so easily why I’m a christian.
WARNING: The next sentence or two may disgust you. I’ve ejaculated three time in the past week, twice on purpose and once by accident. (The accident: somehow I masturbated in my dream and woke up with spilled seed in my boxers.) (That is the most disgustingly funny sentence I’ve ever written, and I am partly ashamed.)
OKAY: Things should be clean from here on out. I had refrained from the touching of myself for a month and a half. And I don’t hate myself for having messed up, which is a huge step in the right direction. So this is what I say now (for the 2 days since I haven’t done it) to stop myself hopefully (I seem to be always coming up with new ways to talk myself out of it): I Would Rather Die.
In many different parts of the bible it tells you run from immorality, to close your eyes to those things which make you lust, and naked bodies obviously do for me. (I’m not saying the desire for women is a bad thing at all, but I turn them into a meal I devour; I destroy their beauty as ends to a mean — to come.) So yes, I say I’d rather die, because I would, rather than knowingly go against the God I supposedly love, dishonoring His creation in such a deplorable way, and in the end only destroying myself.
Which is exactly what the accuser wants.
God loves you, have a good day.
you got your head on right, kid. most guys i know are yucky, but your good. that “discusting” sentence made me laugh. ha ha, not ewww ha ha. i am glad you actually have a relationship with God. Mine didn’t work out. I felt i wasn’t that important to him as other people are. so, i quit, i quess you could say. but i am happy for you.
Warning Comment
Good thing Jesus died on the cross for your sins already, isn’t it. Don’t lose sight of that important fact, darlin’…. I liked your little disclaimer…that alone made me laugh. LOL!
Warning Comment
oh for the love of Pete, it’s a natural bodily function. Sexual repression is not healthy. You can’t avoid it. You’re just going to start having wet dreams like you’re going through puberty all over again, which it sounds like is already happening. You can’t get rid of your perverse mind by ignoring your sexuality. You’re trying to eliminate the symptoms, not the problem
Warning Comment
ps- i love the dresden dolls. Raise your glass!
Warning Comment
Sometimes it’s hard to deal with challenges/roadblocks that come up in your personal spiritual journey. If it’s an important spiritual issue for you, then there’s nothing wrong with it. and ryn: thank you!! 🙂
Warning Comment
I know how you feel, I am a happily married woman, and my husband and I have a healthy sex life, but I am always up for a good masturbation session, and ALWAYS feel guilty. But remember, you can not pick and choose which rules of HIS you want to follow, He also says that if you spill your seed you are unclean for 7 days and must stay away from people and clean all your linens, until you are clean
Warning Comment