Thanks Sarah.

Reading Sarah’s myspace blog has got me in the mood to write at least a quote, which I said to her and is very telling.

“I don’t even know your flaws anymore.”

A quote from a play we did in a high school, a play I directed.

“I loved her, once.”

You want me to explain? It’s not that I don’t love Sarah anymore, but our relationship has become very different now than it has been.

Sarah talks about how much we’ve changed and how amazing it is that we’ve stayed friends, is it amazing? My love has changed for her, it is different.

I don’t think her love for me has changed at all, well, I can’t say that I’m not her, but I don’t feel much of a change, at least.

Over Christmas I felt very close to her, I know I didn’t get her anything. (I didn’t get my mom anything either no card. She told me the other day that she felt hurt. Yeah.) I don’t write much in here anymore because a lot of my thoughts are spiritual battles, a), and b) I’ll tell you in a moment.

I love Sarah, I haven’t been able to put into words how I love her, not for many months now, but I’m going to try to now, blindly.

I love her as thick as fog that you can cut, I love her through binoculars, but at the same time I’m not near her, I’m not in her life, which is not a fault it just is.

What’s changed, for me, is how often I think of her. She used to be on my mind from morning till night. The experience of having that fade, since there was no abrubt end to our “relationship” (me-liking-her), the only thing I can say about it is that it felt exactly natural.

b) (from earlier) I’m at peace, even if I’m not happy. You could say it passeth all understanding, no?

I drew an egg cell (the one that is within a woman) with one sperm entering it, and it had some nice colors, and outside of it all was black, which I did with sharpie (the egg/sperm was colored-pencil). Underneath it I wrote “rebirth through christ” — Sarah laughed at that 🙂 — and then underneath that it says “become who you were created to be” and then on the very bottom right it says “1 John 3:9”, to maybe intice them to look it up.

I made 30 (color) copies and am going to hang them up at school tommorrow.

I should have gotten them at least cards, at least letters. 🙁