Thoughts on my short-lived-loneliness.

I’m lonely, I’m fat, I’m overweight really and so attracted to Tess Mackin. I haven’t seen her in a month, she’s 17, maybe 16, yeah.

I saw a picture of Dakota Fanning in Entertainment Weekly and she looked exactly like Tess, which weirded me out of course. Dakota’s like 11. But I looked into her eyes, her blue eyes, that look right into me, and I thought I was looking at Tess.

Tess told me I’d look good if I lost weight, she meant it as a compliment. I’ve gotten a little chubbier in my face since I last saw her, she’s in high school.

Um, she’s one of the most – she reminds me of paint. If I’m paint, I’m blue or whatever. Whatever color she is let’s say red, simple. I’m in a can, filled it up and her red is poured in, and mixed, and it’s like that spiral.

I mean that I feel stimulated (not sexually, spiritually?) with her, that I feel like resting on each other? I know it all sounds stupid, but at least it’s not mushy.

And not only I feel this around her I’m sure, I’m sure everyone feels like paint cans when she’s around.

Theoretically, though, if people are other colors, when she mixes them up it always would turn out a different color.

Love is becoming one. I love paint.