Tiny Tim, signing off.

I had a conversation with Sarah last night about how if I’d been able to see in High School who I am now, I’d be scared shitless. (I don’t like to cuss anymore, but I really couldn’t find a better expression.) To know YOU WILL CHANGE THIS MUCH AND TURN OUT LIKE THIS would be very intimidating, very burden-esque. Sarah said maybe that’s why God didn’t give us the power to see into the future. (Well, most of us at least.)

Since I’ve been out at the gas station, I’ve had a lot of time to read. So far: America: The Book by Jon Stewart et al, Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, and today just got finished with The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, who I really seem to enjoy. Anyway, I think I’ll read now Mere Christianity tomorrow, and then we’ll see.

I might be done with this entry, but one last thing: I’ve never done this before, but I feel compelled, because I have a very true love for this person, and who they are. (Anyway.) A friend of mine just had her little brother die very unexpectedly, and she’s young, and her family is hurting, and I guess I’m just asking that you join me in praying for them. I don’t know what for really, I mean, for them to feel better? or understand it’s a part of this life?…which both seem very stupid, and not real. (Even if they are.) What I mean to say is, I don’t know how they’re supposed to feel, but I guess I’m going to be praying that it makes them stronger, that it doesn’t leave scars I guess.

I was thinking, even with bad things like this kid,

dying

(horrible things) it seems that, in my understanding, God takes the “bad” of the world, and helps even through that.

…..

DOES ANYONE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.

(Sigh,) I get angry at myself for being who I am, for speaking what I feel, what I would say I know. It sucks to say you know, because then, I don’t know man, I feel all sorts of

But I shouldn’t care what you think. I guess.

I have to get a paper done quickly, and I have to stop beating myself up for being me.

For loving God with all my stinking heart.

Damn I hate saying that to you, afraid you’ll judge me. But know this please: I’ll always love you, and through Him too, by the way.

God bless us, every one.