I hate women.

I started to download porn tonight, as usual, wondering why I was doing it if I knew it doesn’t make me happy at all, and I feel disgusting during and afterward.

You can always change. I ended up not looking at it, which doesn’t make me any happier, but it feels good to not sweat shame.

And with the title, I’m writing this entry for a reason, I have a lot issues with women. And FUCK JENN VELEZ.

Sorry. I’m trying to stop using that word, but I couldn’t justify not telling you how I really feel about her.

It doesn’t make me feel any better though, what does? I’m excited about tomorrow, my first day at Pix, the gas station. I plan on doing a lot of homework. And getting paid for it.

I get angry at a girl now when she looks right past me. I used to get sad, or not care, but now—where does this come from? Who do I hate so much?

Fuck Jenn Velez.

What did I do to her that was so wrong? It seems to me that the only thing I could’ve done differently was not be her friend in the first place, since I’m horrible at not being self-centered when I’m having no fun with someone.

I’m a FUCK (for saying that).

That didn’t feel good to use that word.

I’m hating myself, obviously, again. Not so bad as last time, since I’m more confident now.

FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT.

I’ve been saying that lately, to avert the other word.

Why am I so angry at girls?

The reason I am so angry at Jenn Velez is because she thinks horribly of me, and does her best to try and not hide it.

Lord, you God you, I would like to know what You think of me. I would like to love me, even when others don’t. I would like to love You, even when I don’t feel You, as I don’t particularly now.

I want to bash my temple in with a hammer.

(Bash is a weird word. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to trick me with that word.)

I have to understand things to get over them.

What an uneven entry. When I see a girl’s nipple popping out, like when it’s cold, I love it so much. I’m a pervert, aren’t I? You don’t have to answer, I already know. Girl’s breasts have become an idol for me in front of God? Yes? Yeah, I guess, yeah. FUCK. sorry. Fart. Hope this entertains you. Fart. Girl’s breasts, oh………fart. I’m a shamed.
I
love
the way that they hang.

Sigh.

Butts are nice, too. Please pray for me, even if you thinks it’s joke that I speak of God. Pray that I can love boobs and not get angry at them, at the same time.

Pray that I can finally stop being ashamed of get over my unhealthy attraction to them.

Pray that my dad stops needing my love, and starts to understand that my love won’t go away.

The reason I get angry, I now realize, is because I am ashamed.

(And I do feel better for not watching it. Huh.)