Wishy.
I don’t have friends, thank you very much. You know I tried eharmony.com, that dating service. I asked God the other day “why can’t someone just see me for who I really am?” and I felt a calm come over me.
I can’t make friends, you know that. I’m a loser. It makes me feel better typing it. I sit at home a lot, I have a camera that I’m almost done paying off and I don’t shoot with it, it’s so easy to get stuck in a rutt. Have I ever said “Fuck God” in my journal before? I wonder, I don’t mean it now, if I did, but I feel like saying it right now I’m so angry.
I felt the calm, and I wasn’t even praying, I was just talking to myself, and it was like a friend holding me, and it filled me up. I have all this proof (for me) of God’s existence, or of a spiritual world, and I felt it and I couldn’t help but think “what if that’s just me?” What if the mind is strong enough to change emotions like that, and why am I feeling like I’m blasphemeing lately when I question God’s existence. I’m stuck doing it, it gets me nowhere, I believe in him, but it doesn’t make sense.
I told my friend how I can’t comprehend how many people there are in the world, and God is big enough to comfort me? He said (and he’s not a “believer”) “well, he is omnipotent”. And I kept going on and he interupted me and said “there’s so many bigger things, the universe is ever expanding, star’s are burning out, and you’re stuck on this?”
He’s right. I wrote down on my notebook “The Universe Is Bigger.”
I wish I could do something constructive. And I can. But why won’t I?
You should keep your head up. I don’t have real friends either, but i try not to let that bother me. People just seem to come and go and there’s no point in clinging to others. But by all means, please do search for someone you can just talk to. cause that always helps.
Warning Comment
I just randomly came upon your entry, and I just wanted to say that you should not feel like a loser because you don’t have any friends. It is extremely hard to find good, genuine people to be friends with. And when you do find someone to be a true friend to you, I am sure you will appreciate that person and hold on to that friendship. Take care and hope things get better 🙂
Warning Comment
I am a loser, too. No friends. However, I don’t believe in God. Or at least, I don’t fully believe. Anyway, my point is not whether or not I think God exists. My point is that at least you have that abililty for the calm to come over you. Because I don’t have that. So be thankful for that.
Warning Comment
I feel like I’m losing all my friends. My two best friends are dating now and they did some crappy crappy stuff and I still feel uncomfortable with them. Friends can be a blessing but when the royally screw you over it doesn’t feel to good either. If I knew you, I would be your friend.
Warning Comment
Some athiest believe God is only in your head. Oh how wrong they are. I have a question about Able when you get a chance.
Warning Comment