Urgent Telegram from Earth
my plans for world domination have been put on hold STOP i have been sidetracked STOP i may never come back STOP
Im getting a little antsy. With this whole God thing. I miss the uncertainty, the need to succeed, because I think thats what I based my happiness on, on making it. But now that my happiness is based on something bigger then myself, where really my happiness at least for the moment has nothing to do with what I do with myself and I have this thing, where I guess I got so good at it as a child, where I knew something would get done no matter what, if I did it or not, clean my room, the dishes, mom would do it. And these past few months its been me doing things, trying at least, and maybe failing, which is good, to fail. But I just feel so lazy since opening myself up, I guess I feel like Godll do it.
(This seems too easy, this religion thing.)
But I know its just I dont have to prove myself to anyone anymore. But I miss proving myself. I seem so small, and I feel bigger too. I feel better about myself, and all Im doing for it is standing here. Whats my goal? To praise God?, right? To have him throughout my day, to love through him, him him him (which should be capitalized by the way). So Im supposed to find what He wants me to do. I want to make films, even about him, regarding him, but will he bless it? What if I do end up just being a guy who spreads his word? And thats fine, and since I dont care about everyone knowing me anymore, will I just become a father who smiles at his son as he tries to become what he wants to be, when maybe he doesnt really know? Is that like, realizing what we want is not what we need, or not what well have. I dont like that, I dont like accepting what you are, I dont like putting up with it and trying with what you have, and you cant get-the-goals suddenly, and get-a-desk-job.
So Im just sitting here, taking in as much as possible from every direction, waiting for my call. And Im really fine with it. Im realizing more now than ever. And looking at life. And listening.
Thats what I do most with my days now.
Funny, I had the same goal myself. The “films about God” goal. RYN: you’re in.
Warning Comment
You’re not necessarily going to “know” what God wants you to do by sitting around waiting for His phone call. God gives you talents for a reason. It may be that you love film because you are supposed to say one thing to one person, and that’s the end of it.
Warning Comment
hmm… such ponderings. I don’t think we are suppose to know our goal(s). So if we reach “it,” we won’t know and then we’ll keep trying and doing more and more good. I don’t know. I don’t look at life like I’m “waiting.” I look at it like I’m living. Maybe not living each moment but hopefully living each day. But not waiting. I’ll leave it up to God to wait. haha. ryn: yes, it’s a picture of me
Warning Comment
It’s good that you stopped to recognize him. To smell the flowers? God’s flowers. I think you are waiting for the messege, right?
Warning Comment