Faking it all those years.

I watched an artistic porn today. It had classical music playing behind it, and it was actually kinda pretty.

I tried to imagine Sarah’s face tonight. And it was just hard. I hate that.

And I have bad dreams all the time.

I am going nowhere with my life, and I look through Sarah’s yearbook (the one I took from her to sign…two years ago) and I see these thin faces and these losers, these ones I thought were going nowhere, Look Where I Am.

I am nowhere to be seen.

And, this really cool kid, this punk named Travis. I really thought he was cool. He just, you look at him, you think “cool”.

Thin face. Going to college at least, that’s something.

Me. Chubby face (back to where I was 5 years ago). JUST. Graduated from high school.

(Just two years late.)

Maybe it was that the porn film’s classical music made me feel sad. (In a good way, The good sad.) But this is how I feel.

And I miss people like Travis. I miss a bunch of people I cared about at heart but wasn’t actually friends with.

Look at me now. Just look at me.