Something died. It was me.

Im out of it. I. Uh. Im not thinking. Not straight. When I walk, I stumble. When I drive, I stare. My mouths stays open. And I never blink.

(Maybe once, or twice.)

So tonight, I actually had a feeling this would happen, Jen broke it off with me.

With me. With Jon. Jon Strong. Cool guy. Cool guy Jon. Hes cool.

At first, I got angry, I didnt think she really meant it, but she did.

Then I got upset, but not enough to cry, just kind of taken aback. Mouth open. Wiiide. (Wide.) And then she told me why. Told me I dont know. (I cant think, not straight, remember.)

All I have running through my head right now is a song. It goes:

But it’s all relative
Even if you don’t understand
Well it’s all understood
Especially when you don’t understand
And it’s all just because
Even if we don’t understand
Then lets all just believe

And it has good piano.

Im tired of this, she said. All I did was bring her down, and the worst thing?

Forget it.

I sobbed harder than I ever have. I closed my throat and yelled and shook. I sobbed.

And she held me.

And snot dripped, and she held me.

And she just broke it off with me, and she held me.

She told me she loved me, and when she did, I felt probably five daggers or sharp things of some sort hitting me in the chest for about the longest 5 seconds Ive ever experienced, over and over.

And then they stopped.

And I wiped my nose. (It still dripped, and I looked down, and it started hanging off. I touched it and it stuck to my finger. We Both Laughed. I love her.)

I could not move, you hear me? I had no power.

And I still. Fucking. Love her with all my heart.

Someone once wrote some lyrics.

But there you go once again
You missed the point and then you point
Your fingers at me
And say that I said not to believe
I believe
I guess
I guess it’s all relative.

I never thought itd end like this. But really. Im sure its just a part of who Ill be.
There for you.

So was it worth it?

Yeah. Yes it was….Ill see ya later, man.

Hey: feel better.

..Yeah.