The calm.

All I can do is smile.

(And write this in good handwriting.)

Mike was using me as part of his game plan.

Ha. That is funny..

.

Very, In a sad way.

“Fuckin’ Go.” –Fiona Apple.

I’m not smiling now, and I’m not sure if I should use what he thinks I’ll do against him.

I guess he just wants a girlfriend, right? Guess he just wants to make himself happy.

Inconsiderately.

No. I am not that. I know my morals. And as much as I wanted to use it against him.

I Did.

So I did.

She touched my stomach today, under the shirt, and it must have grossed her out.

Hanging out with both of them was fine, better than ever really.

She wanted to see his, and made a sad noise when he said no. . Mm.

(Like it was at first, when things were unspoken and secret. And I meant for that to be pretentious.)

Then she grabbed him and sat him on her lap and started trying to turn him on.

Okay…

And she rubbed his leg for a second (don’t tell me you didn’t mean to, c’mon) and, a few seconds later looked at me shaking my head.

She gave me a look.

Throughout the night she did a few different things to…Play with me.

Like, to make me feel angry. Why?

And then, on the way home (by the way, there was a period of 15 minutes where I know he wanted me to leave so he could have her for goodnight, and I think she wanted it to) I thought “God. She was playing with my emotions like she was playing with his dick.”

There is a difference though. He liked it. I don’t.

I left, and I didn’t make any motion or anything about her having to call me tonight.

She thinks she can just play with me. Well. Jenn.

I Know.