Fine, Ill just write a fucking entry.

I dont know what to do. When we talk on the phone, she asks what I did today, and I worked. Thats it. How the fuck does that lend itself to conversation.

So, my end goes I worked. Thats about it. Whatd you do–– I feel like a fucking 5 year old. I dont know how to have conversations about nothing. Why did I call if I had nothing to talk about? I want to hear her voice. Why cant I just call and tell her I just called to hear her voice? She doesnt like the obsessive type.

(This is obsessive type.)

Dont change yourself dont change yourself.

Sigh.

I was thinking at work, I like her, I know I do, but there is something to be said about that missing part. I think I dont feel a real connection here. FUCK.

Be more confident be more confident.

Be myself, and if I am, shell probably dump me.

(She probably will anyway.)

Breathe out.

Please God, help me out here. Tell me how to feel normal, how to feel comfortable.

I just want this to be different. Does that mean I should be too?

I just need to let it be.

one of my best friends often feels like he doesn’t have much to say to me on the phone. especially if, say, all he did was work that day. it doesn’t matter! if i say something, and it sparks something in his head, i want him to say whatever it is he’s thinking about. hell, quite honestly, if someone is close enough to me to be talking to me that much, i wouldn’t care if he just recited…

the alphabet.