This used to be something different.

Dave: I’m sorry for this already.

This is a bad letter, with bad things, and I have to write, and I feel bad about it.

I want you to succeed, Dave, last night Mike asked me if I want you to succeed and I said yes, and he said then I do feel good for you, care about you. I guess that’s partly why I’m writing this to you. But mostly it’s because it’s because I can’t hold it anymore.

Why don’t you tell Tess you smoke? I don’t get it, it’ll get her mad, yeah, but be honest.

That’s what I’ve noticed about you in the past year, you have changed, ever since Candice was here.

You used to be very honest. After Meg, you were down to your, I don’t know, you were down. Let’s start before Meg? Okay.

During actually. I looked up to you so much, probably unhealthily, let us be honest. (Maybe you’re smiling at that, hopefully you are.)

‘Cause you were honest, sure you exaggerated, probably, but that’s you.

But for some reason it never even crossed my mind then.

Then Meg and you, that whole thing happened, and you just became…so different.

I don’t know how to say this Dave. I thought by writing it it would come better, sadly I was mistaken.

Why do you exaggerate everything, why do you tell the same stories over and over, why do you talk about the same situation and make it happy sometimes and then sad others, why do you act like you know everything about, more than I know apparently, why do you not tell Tess the truth? And why do you make a joke out of it?

I know the answers already. I know you pretty well. But Dave, this is stupid, but all the existing members from Rage are in Audioslave. Do you understand?

(And another reason I can’t just say all this to your face, is because you get so defensive. Angry, Rage is an example, and I got mad at the time too, but another example would be that one time when David pulled that joke on you about Stain’d coming to Orlando and missing you, you got so angry that someone was laughing at you. I think that’s you main problem. You’re so on top of making sure people don’t laugh at you that you just laugh at them. And when someone like David can pull a fast one on you, it’s like, Dave: I feel like, that one time when you got defensive? That’s the Realest I’ve Seen You Be Since The Meg Days. And you never let people see it since. Maybe Meg caused this in you. And this was a long aside.)

I guess that’s how I feel, and when you try and…make jokes that I’ve heard a million times from your mouth, when I hear the same stories, over and over, I know it’s not like you do it purposely. But I don’t what it is then.

I don’t know why you can’t take criticism. I don’t know why you have to make sure it all looks nice on top. That’s what’s changed the most in the past year: You’ve brought your bar down to meet what you can. You know Tess –

Nevermind. I feel like I’m just talking out of my ass, you may be thinking that. But my feelings about you have been this way since At Least the beginning of summer.

And I could never be honest with you. But now I am.

I love you Dave, you know I do. I want you to succeed more anything, seriously you know you’re like a brother.

But brother’s can also can also get on your nerves. And this is to a point of hating myself when I’m around you because I can’t tell you how I feel when you act like you know everything, and try to be humble about it: but I know that you’re not humble. I know you’re just playing it that way because people will take things better that way. But I know you.

I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship. Again. I don’t wanna go for 5 months without talking or hanging out. But if that’s how it has to be than I understand.

I just can’t stand to see you being so dishonest with yourself.

(And please, if this doesn’t effect our friendship, don’t pull that bullshit of “oh I can’t tell you that because I don’t feel comfortable” thing, remember that thing that Tess did? Don’t do that please. I wanna know you.)

One last thing: why would you tell me that Amanda pulled off All Of Her Clothes when she didn’t? When all she did was take off her panties and shirt, but kept on her bra and shorts? Why would you tell me that? Or am I just being blind believing Amanda? Because I don’t know who to believe anymore when everything you tell me I have to run through the “Dave-exagger-meter”.

I just want you to tell me everything and I’m sorry if I’m being assholish, but, that hurt me, when she told me you were exaggerating.

It’s a sad world when I believe Amanda over my best friend.

I hope you realize the love that is under this letter. I hope you don’t hit me for this. It’s also a little hypocritical of me, as well. And I understand that I’m sort of a coward for not being able to actually say it out loud.

I love you Dave. Let’s be honest.