The Pinnacle of the Dick.

I actually had a really awesome birthday party. My friends came over around one, caught Candi and I playing Mario Kart. I actually didn’t even need to break out any games, we were just laughing and cracking jokes until five. I started drinking. We went out to Don Jose’s for dinner. Slow service last night, but awesome food. Came back, played Apples to Apples, and by the end we were all exhausted. I drank some more, my last shot count being eight for the day. Pace yourself! I never lost mental capacity or the ability to walk. I AM AWESOME. As usual, I made brownies when intoxicated. And then served cheesecake.

It was a really awesome social gathering.

And then everyone left. And I know there’s always that let-down after a party, but there was something else.

There is nothing better in this world than a dick joke.

Now, it doesn’t need to be about penises specifically. It could be about vaginas or titties flapping. But in general, we understand what a “dick joke” is.

We all hoped we’d grow up and become “mature adults” and join “high society”, and make mature jokes and drink wine. Mature adults aren’t, high society is a bunch of pedantic bastards with no sense of humor and wine tastes terrible.

I laughed my ass off for three hours straight, I’m not shitting you, three hours straight with tears running down my eyes. I laughed my ass off for three hours straight to dick jokes. I can’t remember laughing this much except maybe the last time my friends got together like this.

It’s simultaneously saddening and kind of funny that there is nothing better than this. I’ve come to accept it now, but last night I was a little sad that this is all there is, and there’s simply nothing better. On the other hand, I can smile knowing I have achieved the gold standard in laughter. The gold standard in HILARIOUS DICK JOKES.

I guess I will be Timmy forever.

Maturity is a goddamned motherfucking lie a-dults lay on kids to make them feel inferior out of fear that we’d discover that they aren’t better than us. Because seriously, I didn’t make these kinds of jokes when I was ten, nor even sixteen. No, it’s only been as I get older. The older I get, the more hilarious dick jokes are. And if nothing else, it makes me scared at what I’ll be laughing at when I’m forty. OH MAN.