On Colonel Quack.

As many know, before I took Timmy™ as my ubiquitous online moniker, I used Colonel Quack. Hell, if I’m signing up for something and it isn’t important, I STILL use colonelquack. Maybe I’ve written on the origins of this before, maybe I haven’t. I feel like writing it down for the sake of posterity.

About ten years ago, my AIM screenname was Fonz Is The Man. Hey, he is. Before the advent of trillian, you had to be creative to sign on with multiple screennames. I had a virtual army of screennames. I would sign on with five at a time and annoy my friends at the time. It’s the small things in life that amused me. My army had a captain and an admiral, and of course, a colonel. A Colonel Quack. Hey, it’s such an obvious rhyme.

So you’re saying, “That’s it? Why write this?”

Well, at some point, I decided Mr. Quack needed a first name. Quack, what’s a perfect first name.. MICK. Mick Quack. Perfect. A middle name, Diddley, followed shortly after. Colonel Mick Diddley Quack.

There was an old friend who I called Princess. We were being silly one day, and she knighted me. I became Sir Colonel Mick Diddley Quack.

Then came the Unipisser. I think a lot of people have known someone like this. First semester in the dorm, there was someone shitting and somehow clogging the damned toilet. And NOT FLUSHING. WTF. And so, as a massive joke, the Sanitation Defense Alliance was formed. (Well, not really, but it sounds good on paper.)

Thus, the evolution was complete: I am Sir Colonel Mick Diddley Quack of the Sanitation Defense Alliance. For better or for worse, I have very few handles on the internets. I can’t fathom keeping a database of screennames and uberunique passwords. Besides, “Colonel Quack” just sounds bad-ass. I’ve had this moniker for so many years, it would take an awesome series of events to create a new one.

Aaaaand. That’s about it.