Outclassed.

Maybe it was an elitist attitude. I remember ten years ago, my first run through at Rutgers. (Okay, technically nine years ago. Whatever.) I’d always had this feeling that things came easily to me. So when things stopping coming easily to me, it was very disconcerning. To me, ‘asking for help’ meant I didn’t get it. It meant I wasn’t good enough. Why should I bother if I don’t get it?

Life experiences changes my attitude towards the difficult. In the fall of 2001, I remember taking calculus I. I remember a spanish professor with a thick accent and most of the students not having a goddamned clue what was going on. I got a C. Next semester, Calc II, another incoherent professor. Less accent, more, “Oh, I’ll use a partial derivative on this OH WAIT, I CAN’T DO THAT YET.” Test scores and a curve that would make you cry. I probably would have given up if it weren’t for the TA. I got a C.

I figured retaking calculus would be a first step, a refresher. I had my first class today, and I definitely felt outclassed. However, no panic, no paranoia, and no certainly no feelings of, “I’ll never get this.” In part, because I’ve done this before, and I know it’ll come back to me. I also know that while trig and algebra are critical, they fade away ever so slightly as the semester goes on. (Though, seriously, you have to know your basic algebra.)

Besides, plotting graphs was never my strong point, nor something I ever remember being emphasised in any course.

Work 35+ a week, only two courses. I think it’s a good balance.

Still don’t have a bookbag. I’m not even sure if I want one. I’m sure I’ll get one at some point.