Status Report for 11-13-7

I’d say the cycle is complete.

I awoke this morning, aware that I would need strength today. So I rolled over and rested until I was ready. My mood quickly sank. I knew today would be the day I’d have to dig a little.

So I did.

Consistently, I find the only way to really fight the sadness, the despair, the apathy, is to just get angry. There’s nothing really coherently said in my head, except for maybe a loud growl of, “NOOO!” I just decide what I’m going to do, and I do it. And if I feel anything in me that wants to stop me, I say “NOOOOO!” Anger has its uses.

I had to print out my sources for my research paper. This took longer than expected, to the point where I missed my chem quiz this morning. Was on time for lecture, however. It was a calculated maneuver. I HAD to print that shit out, if I wanted to progress.

We’re dabbling in organic chemistry right now, and I’d have to agree with Mary, it doesn’t look that hard. It’s just memorizing patterns, and that’s my thing. The naming scheme is pretty obvious.

Between classes, I let myself go play some Smash Bros Melee with complete strangers. I just needed that mood boost, that moment to relax and not worry. I didn’t win any rounds, but that’s okay. I had fun. At least when I’m playing Melee, that room has good energy. Gasp, I said energy! :: smiles :: However you look at it, that environment is very emotionally satisfying.

There was a Captain Falcon who was winning like five rounds in a row. I had a chance to take him out myself. We play four players, and the single winner stays. Hyrule Temple level, he and I had a single life left. I tried my damndest, but he was adapting to me quickly. I was playing as Emo Ness. I was relying on my charge attack, and his aerial attack. When in doubt, go electrical and go for nickel and dime damage. Just couldn’t get any comboing going. Not like I can with Peach sometimes. I was doing pretty good at goading him into chasing me, and dodging. Because that’s what Cliff and I know how to do. But he was anticipating my attacks. Anyway, I lost, but it was a good match. Who took him out? A jigglypuff. Awesome.

I was the first one out when I played as Game And Watch, but that’s because I was amusing myself with his sausages. I wasn’t playing to win. I like having fun.

Gordon and Loralei popped in before I left to eat (and attend chem lab).

Attending chem lab, I realized I forgot my lab notebook. With today’s lab sheet, and last week’s to hand in. Went down to Lot 3 to retrieve it. Moved the van to Lot 7.

Gave myself more zone-out time after class. And then went through those sources. Stapled and did some light highlighting. My goal was to access what information I could use from them. Relevant to my topic, I realized most of them weren’t directly answering my question at hand. Which frustrated me. Back to square one, in a way.

It’s funny how I do this. Most people study by sitting down, at a table or a cubicle. That always made me uncomfortable, feel pressured. I feel better just pacing back and forth. Probably makes people think I’m crazy, but whatever. It’s what works for me.

I trudged through scholar.google, trying to find better sources. Changed my search queries. Downloaded some that were already available online. Requested some that looked actually relevant to my topic. The feelings of anger were gone and almost forgotten by this point.

Nervous, to say the least. I have two weeks to do this paper, which is less than it sounds like. I work weekends, remember? That leaves this Wednesday, next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I want to hand it in on that following Monday, so he can look it over and say what’s wrong with it. So to speak. Or better, before Thanksgiving, so it’s out of my mind. Basically, I’ve been debating whether to ask for a day off. Just one. I don’t do shit on weekends, so the only day that’s worth asking off is Thursday. I only work four hours on Thursday anyway.

So after doing all I could in the Berry of Lies, I headed to Taco Bell to ask for Thursday off. Steve chided me, asking why I haven’t done it already. He was then puzzled by why I have two weeks to do it and I’m asking for a day off. Erica looked over the scheduled, waited a moment, and then said it was okay.

I’m really proud of myself for standing up for myself and asking for a day off. That’s not something I could have done in years past. But I have my priorities straight, and I know I’ll need this day. Everything won’t get done, but it buys me more time to do things. And, more importantly, it means I won’t be uberstressed tomorrow.

That said, I’m feeling a lot better. Confident and determined. And if I need to, I have no hesitation in getting angry to accomplish what I need to.