Exerbabble for 11-12-7

BB Split Squat:
3 @ 45 lbs
4×10 @ 75 lbs

Pair A
BB Shoulder Press:
3 @ 45 lbs
10, 10, 7, 6 @ 65 lbs
Wide-Grip Lat Pull:
10, 10, 10, 8 @ 110 lbs

Pair B
DB Incline Press:
4×10 @ 25 lbs
DB Row
4×10 @ 45 lbs

Treadmill: ~30 minutes @ Heartrate 150-160 BPM, 3 MPH, 4% incline

(Usual stretching)

Held a good clip through this workout. Was done with the lifting portion in about 40 minutes. Not bad at all, that’s what it should be. Inclines were too light. Rows were just right, but I can probably increase the weight. Awesome. Rowing 50’s for higher reps.

Had a realization during my workout. I asked myself, “Why don’t I feel strong or see myself as muscular, like some people do?”

My internal response was quick.

“Because all it would take is one person to tell me I’m wrong to knock me down.”

It’s true. I’m afraid of saying anything that someone could disagree with. If someone calls me dumb, I feel dumb. If someone thinks I still look like a weenie, I feel like a weenie. It’s frustrating to be so sensitive.

I was using the clock to track my rest periods, so I was able to retort rather decisively. It doesn’t need to be like that at all. Why should I let someone else dictate how I feel about myself or who I think I am? I deserve to feel good about myself!

Knowing my positive qualities doesn’t mean I’m shoving them in other people’s faces, either. Nor does anybody else need to particularly believe what I believe about myself or feel about myself. I’m not perfect, nor do I need to be, nor do I want to be, nor am I striving to be. I’ve been trying to give myself more credit, recognize my positive habits, my positive qualities, the qualities I like about myself, the things I want to feel about myself, the things I do feel about myself. It’s a process. It’s as I’ve known for years, I won’t be able to hear other people until I’m able to hear myself.

It’s why I spend so much time focused on myself.

Forgot all my hair ties this morning. Thankfully, I keep a spare one in the van, just in case. Must remind myself to put it back.

Hrm. I forget, do I write out this quote? It seemed so random at the time, that I can’t get it out of my head. Some older guy in the locker room said it the other day.

“Back in the day, we’d get a big salad. Nowadays, all the girl shave!”

Hey, I like hairy vulvas, but somehow “salad” seems kind of derogatory. After all, isn’t “salad tossing” analogous with rimming?

I woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday for some reason. Took two seconds to realize it was Monday. I tend not to be able to power myself through Mondays. Haven’t in past semesters, anyway. I want to GOTO bed early tonight, and really tackle tomorrow. I feel like I need a lot of zone-out time, or me-time. I almost feel like I “don’t deserve” it. I tell myself that I’m allowed to feel like I need a break. I just also feel like I’m not doing enough. I have to find balance between rest and enjoyment, and forcing myself to do things that I don’t want to do. After all, easier to enjoy zone-out time if I’m not avoiding something. There is still time. I just don’t want to wait too much longer.