Physical Affection Wanted.

I don’t know why I feel so sad. I feel mildly puzzled by it, more than anything. I’m glad there’s no despair surrounding it. It doesn’t feel like the world collapsing around me, like it used to feel in years past. Just kind of somber.

I do feel a lack of physical affection. Well, maybe not a lack. I feel a need. Or want, whathaveyou. I know, I’m usually lonely, it just feels especially strong today. Don’t know why.

Ah, Gaming Club. So I was giving Victoria a little back massage. I really didn’t know what I was doing. Eventually she told me to switch. Oh god, purrrrr. I needed that. To be touched is divine. It completely relaxed me. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a good backrub before.

I discovered today just how bad my memory is. Two years ago, I met this girl Sandy, through Erik. Because Erik considers her family to be a psychology experiment. (Erik, you’re such a douchebag. I love you!) Anyway, turns out I’ve been socializing with her AND I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE IT. And. And! She didn’t even remember meeting me. I just find that funny. This came out because Ashley was hanging around what’s-his-name, and I figured I’d give him a fair heads-up.

My headphones are broke. This has made me realize listening to music while writing may be problematic. Then I realized I could just burn a CD, and that will be my music-writing CD for the month. (In reference to NaNoWriMo, that is.)

Victoria was getting up to leave, and I was going to just let her go, because I’ve been trying to wean myself off of just following her like a lost puppy. I can be rather pathetic sometimes. I had been feeling kind of bad, and part of me was hoping she’d notice. I paused and caught myself. So I got up and followed her, simply to tell her I wasn’t feeling alright. Not that conversation got any deeper than that, I simply want to work on communicating my feelings rather than expecting people I care about to know how I feel. It’s a process.

So. I turned on my stereo when I walked in my room, but I’m feeling quiet. Plus the wrong music is in. Quiet. I believe I’ll play some Melee, and then turn in early. Tomorrow will require more energy from me. Tomorrow will be Go-Time. But for today, it is now zone-out time.