I am not Timmy.

I did not get enough sleep last night. Or, I went to bed too late. Or something. I’m just trying to explain why I’m so out of it today. It’s not that bad. I just don’t feel energetic, nor do I have any desire to really do anything. I kind of want to go home and go back to bed.

I saw Cliff yesterday. We chewed the fat, as usual. His current puzzlement is over the properties of essences. Things like, “This bunny has the property of being white. We would say white is a color. But what makes it a color? Could white be a sound? What makes white different from black?” Things like that. Consistently, I pointed out that these are mostly linguistic problems, language evolved as a way for us to describe our universe in a common way. When we say “white”, we are referring to something we all commonly agree upon as, well, “white”.

Same way names are not self-identical. Ah, Cliff. Ha ha. I remember years ago when he said, “Timmy, you are not Timmy.” Really pissed me off. Of course, I get it now. Timmy is just a name given to me. When we hear “Timmy”, it refers to me, but I am not actually “Timmy”. Ha ha. Cliff tells me this guy Ludwig Wittgenstein was into that. And Bertrand Russell wanked to him.

While I never seem to know what to share in terms of present-day events, Cliff and I tend to talk about relationships and girls a lot. Cliff says he is aware that he’s attracted to all the wrong girls, so he tends to date girls he’s not completely into. He’s said whenever he has persued girls he’s actually into, he tends to crash and burn. I related my own pattern with females. I’d swear he once told me years ago to just find a female, any female, at random, though he did not suggest it today. It has crossed my mind over the years, have a token female, yet I can’t stand the thought of being trapped in relationships the way he is.

We briefly discussed whether emotional connections are actually some real “connection” between two people, or whether it’s just two people “feeling” something. Brief, because we both agreed it’s just two people feeling something. Cliff is skeptical about emotions, namely at why emotions don’t last. In some ways, we feel we’ve been lied to regarding love.

On a completely unrelated note, I was horny this morning. I mean, seriously. After seven days straight of wanking, why the hell should I be horny first thing in the morning? I was kind of comatose this morning waking up, and I noticed I was idly wanking. Nothing planned or vigorous, just gentle stroking. I got an erection, which made me smile. I like having erections. So I just went with it, nice and slow. Twenty minutes later, I realized I needed to spurt. Meh. I hate having weak orgasms when I’m horny. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow. Wanking = fun.

Feeling a bit apathetic. This weather is messing with my head. It’s way too warm out. It’s making me a little sweaty at times. It should be cool and relaxing, not.. ..not this warm out. I went to the CPR lab this morning. Third session, and first time trying to do compressions and ventilations. I felt like there wasn’t enough instructions. But I’m smart, so I kept trying. Man, that gets tiring fast.

I have to hand in a prelimary proposal for a research paper for Exercise Physiology, and I really am not sure of what I’m going to do. It’s due at 4PM tomorrow. For the curious, that class meets on Wednesdays at 6PM. Silly prof.

Feeling kind of lonely. Meh, I always need cuddles.

I’ll try not to stay out late tonight. Get in some zone-out time tonight, and GOTO bed early. I don’t think today’s my day. Tomorrow will be better.