I like girlscent.

After feeling emotionally drained last night, I knew I had to do something a little different today. I did stay up late last night, an unwise maneuver. I do that when I’m perpetuating a bad mood. It’s a bad habit. So this morning, I decided it was time to STOP LISTENING TO KASHMIR. Physical Graffiti is awesome, but it’s very emotional music for me.

So I put in Garage Inc and sang along with James Hetfield in a deep singing voice, complete with “oooh”s and “yeah!”s. Ah, Metallica.

I got up at 9 AM and didn’t even leave the door until 3 PM. Took the day off from lifting, and both of my classes don’t meet today. I printed out the assignment for Exercise Physiology. I tried to check the presentation for First Aid, but I can’t seem to view it at home. Thus, I am here. I realized I had a craving for chili, so I had some. It tasted good. I like when food tastes good. I intermitently played Melee, which was some well-needed, unrestricted zone-out time.

After all the emotions I’ve been having, I considered giving Victoria a break from me. Not really avoid her, just don’t show up after her afternoon class. I felt that I should anyway, for the heck of it. So I sat outside and wrote in my journal. I listened to an english class to my left, the spanish prof, and a very lively american government prof talking about the formation of the United States.

Her class ends, and she sits down on the bench next to me without even looking to verify my presence. I asked how she knew I’d be there. She said she didn’t. She went on to say she was hoping I’d be there, as she had a cry earlier. Basically a guy denying that rape even occurs, that women “want it” or “ask for it” and if they didn’t they should “kick him in the balls.” You know, facepalmworthy stuff. Facepalmworthy? Facepalmworthy.

I’ve known way too many girls that have been abused either emotionally or physically by friends, family, or complete strangers. This shit happens, and it’s very real. It’s one thing to joke about rape. I think rape can be hilarious. But to seriously downplay it, or believe it’s a woman’s fault, or that a girl can just “kick him in the nuts” is ludicris. One of the few times my masculine side comes out is in defense of a lady. I don’t tolerate that kind of bullshit.

That aside, we talked in the parking lot for a little bit. I got a picture or two, but none worth posting. Guess I better take some more. I sniffed her armpits. She smells nice. I never thought I’d see the day I’d be so into armpits. They’re really an intimate area of the body. Scent glands, hair, and a lot of blood flow. And you have to abduct your arm to expose it.

Oh. I asked her to clarify what she meant by me being “strong in my own space”. She said that I’m very aware of myself, my thoughts, and my emotions. As opposed to herself, who is very aware of other people’s thoughts and emotions. Well, not mind-reading, but definitely just reading other people. I’m sometimes disappointed in myself for not picking up on interactions between other people. I’d say this is because I’m too busy watching my status quo. In a way, given how I used to be, it’s a good thing.

At some point, the metaphor of “emotional drain” came up. I like it. My drain was clogged for a long time. Once I cleared the drain, all sorts of crap went through me in a very short period of time. And for a while afterwards, every time something new would go through, it would “catch” something that didn’t go through before. I’m a bit cleaner now. If I let something go through it, it takes a lot less time for me to process it.

She felt my shoulders and told me they’re coming along. At first, I wanted to deny it, but I should give myself a little credit. A female is complimenting me – that makes me feel good. About time I got some recognition!

I have things to do. Once I complete them, I will feel accomplished.