Aneros.

I may have mentioned my desire to follow in the tradition of blowing your first paycheck. Different things have come to mind. Buying all the Rocky movies and watching them in a marathon with my friends. Maybe buying an external hard drive, for back-up purposes. Perhaps. Thankfully, I’ve remembered something that I’ve wanted for a while:

If you don’t know what that is, pat your head and go back into your cave. If you think you know what it is, but aren’t sure, I’ll tell that you’re right.

I’m not sure why I got into the habit of buying sex toys. Maybe because I’m jealous of all the toys girls get. Maybe it’s because I’m, uh, single. By now, I really have all the sex toys I need. Charles and Edmund, my butt plugs. Bubba, my sword-dildo. The entire reason I bought him was because he has a handle. I hate when I can’t get a grip. (Know what I mean, ladies? And uh, boys?) I have three fleshlight inserts. (No, I never named them.) I have a cockring that doubles as a bracelet, I have a silver vibrator named Emily. So on and so forth.

Thing is, I rarely use my sex toys anymore. It’s so much easier to just use my left hand (and sometimes my right hand). I hate clean-up. Man, girls are so lucky they don’t ejaculate (semen). Using toys requires me to plan ahead and think, “Okay, I’m going to actually CLEAN them after I wank.” You always clean them immediately after, and sometimes immediately before. I don’t need a bigger butt plug, I don’t need another vibrator. Bubba is really the only dildo I’ll ever need, unless I retire him at some point.

Eh, I’m just expounding to overkill.

If these things work as advertised, it should be a lot of fun. Getting in prostate stimulation by myself requires a bit of effort, so if I could get some hands-free prostatic action, that would be awesome.

It actually will be ANOTHER week before I get my first paycheck, because they apparently run on a two-week cycle. How annoying. But after that, I’m ordering one of these Aneros, and making a date with my prostate.