I hung out with Tara.

I smell like girl. Whether it’s shampoo, or laundry detergent, perfume, or her natural scent, it’s on me.

My strategy with Tara was to just go with it. I’m not an antsy nor forceful person. Nothing needs to happen.

I demonstrated for her that the van won’t start. Not that she’d know anything, but she wanted to see anyway. She went through my box`o`movies. She spotted Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and said she wanted to watch it. *smiles* Cool beans for me. The transition to cuddling was rather seamless. I tickled her first, then momentarily rested my head on her shoulder. She said she should get more comfortable, too, and rested up against me. She said I make good, warm chair.

She’s quite adept at being tiny. She’s shorter than me, and the first girl I’ve met that has a noticably smaller build than me. If you know how tiny I am, that’s tiny. Not my first choice, but I don’t really care. Physicality doesn’t matter to me.

We video gamed for a bit. She demonstrated that she had no pride, and is incredibly stubborn. Far better than girls who give up easily.

She sat on my bed while checking her cell phone. So glad I don’t have one of those gadgets. It’s funny, even though I’ve kissed a number of girls, I still get a little hesitant before the first one. Did she bite my nose? I don’t remember. I kissed her, and she promptedly pointed out that had gum in her mouth. We paused, disposed of the gum, and continued.

Did I mention she’s tiny? About damn time I’ve made out with a girl adept at straddling. I couldn’t tell you how long we’d been making out. Not too long, but long enough to shit around a little bit. She was straddling me and she suddenly sat up. She said something to the effect of,

“This feels too fast.”

Noez!

Heh. She pointed out that this is how I end up having so many flings. She’s remembering things I don’t even remember saying to her. Brownie points. We cuddled and talked. I like talking. As I said to her, my brain turns to mush around girls, so I’ll probably have a lot on my mind afterwards. (That would be right now.) She pointed out that she barely even knows me. Which is true. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen her.

But that doesn’t bother me. If I feel something, I go with it. We said we wanted to get to know each other. I told her I have no expectations of her. She likes me. I like her. I’m just letting it happen. She said that the faster you go, the faster it’s over. I’m reminded of something Cliff once told me. Maybe it’s just our mutual experiences, but things are always fast in the beginning.

Then again. I don’t think making out is something to worry about. I like kissing!

She said she tends to not let people get close to her. That’s kind of something I tune out. Call me naive, call me egotistical, but I know my tendency to make people relax around me. I know how well I can communicate when my brain is firing on all thrusters. I’m not worried.

Writing is always odd in these situations. I wonder what I’ll want to read later on. I want to talk about how I feel. I want to talk about what I’m thinking.

I made out with a girl I don’t know that well, but got a very good read off of. I have to believe in the fact that I have a spine now. I don’t put myself out there blindly. I know how scary it can be, and how scary it may be. But that doesn’t stop me. I feel calm. I feel hopeful. I know there’s no need to summarize myself into a five paragraph essay to explain myself to her. She will come to know me as anybody else does, through conversation and shared experiences. That will be taken care of with time.

I don’t want to be desperate. I want something good to happen to me. Hell, the fact that she’s being realistic is a good thing. If she told me what I wanted to hear, like Paige, I’d be worried.

I’ll stop here, my brain’s turning to mush. I’ll write more if I get some more thoughts worth posting.