Regarding My Next Cooter.

I kind of didn’t study at all this weekend. Whoops. I know I can’t study on weekends! I’ll figure something out. I have two finals on Tuesday, so. Well. I’ll do what I have to do.

I’ve been pondering the fact that I got Paige pregnant. Ha ha. I’m not sure how to lead in to it. I’d be naive if I thought I’d be uneffected. I mean. I fuck a single girl, get her pregnant, shouldn’t I anticipate some sort of problem in the future?

AH! But if one goes looking for problems, he will find them!

I think. It’s compounded by my need to feel I’m with the right person. Unless that’s just part of it. : D

I remind myself the critical heart of the matter: Respecting my emotions, whatever they end up being. If it doesn’t feel right, I don’t need to analyze it to death on the spot, I should just accept it. I’ll know. Part of me feels regret for how I ended up losing my virginity in the first place. I felt internal pressure to not disappoint Paige. Didn’t I write recently about the comedy that was me losing my virginity? I don’t remember. I know I wrote it recently. Maybe it was for my novel. Absolutely hilarious in that, “Oh god, that’s so horrible” kind of way. Nothing like losing your virginity then later getting pouty because you realize you don’t love her! Ha ha. Hey, I won’t claim I was free of dumbassry.

I think over this winter break, I’ll write an extended version of what happened. I seem to do that a lot. Angel got far more text than she ever deserved. I even created ‘Project Timmy’ to write about her! In addition to my so-called Memoirs. Oh my GOD, the volumes of text I’ve written over the years! Just seems to be what I do, reflect when the time is right. I think this project is imperative given that there’s absolutely on online record of the bulk of what transpired in Arlington, Virginia. I remember once we had some absolutely AWESOME sex, so naturally I got up and wrote about it so I could remember it.

I don’t remember a damn thing that happened. Who the hell remembers writing something but can’t remember what he wrote? ME!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, how many people have even HEARD of Project Timmy? I’m an ostentatious bastard, I am. Ha ha. I archived the diary before letting it be deleted. I’d be up for doing something similiar for Paige if it weren’t for the fact that she might be stalking me. I always keep that in the back of my mind. She’ll comfort herself in the fact that she’ll read absolutely nothing about herself, and then lament about how I “don’t care” about Ryan. Lick my balls, bitch, I care more than you’ll ever know.

It’s kind of like talking to my dad. We’re kind of at a point where there’s no communicating. …Wow, it’s coming up on a year since she cut off contact. I’ve been so emotionally healthy since then. Do I see a correlation? Huh? Huh? That’s what I thought.

But yeah, I worry about the next time I have sex. I really don’t want to become an emotional mess on a girl. I know, I know, my emotions are valid and shit, but I don’t want a girl to feel like she has to “fix” me. I want to express my emotions in a mature fashion that communicates them without… sounding sad and pathetic? *laughs* OMG, I GOT A GIRL PREGNANT, NOW I’M AFRAID OF SEX0RING.

On a completely random note, isn’t the word ‘cooter’ a funny word? I find myself becoming more and more perverted with age. I was such an innocent twelve year old. I didn’t even know what a blowjob was when I was 13! Didn’t have my first crush until I was 15.

COOTER!

I’m probably more vanilla than I give myself credit for. Sodomy and ball-spanking are fun, but when it comes to the average sexual encounter, I’m far more sensual. Unless it really IS possible to have kinkier sex frequently. Paige was as vanilla as they come. And something else. This should be a no-brainer. The best sex was the more emotional sex. GEE, what a coincidence! The sex was that was because I just thought I should, to please her, wasn’t that great. Passionate sex, make-up sex, I-haven’t-seen-you-in-a-while sex, that was good sex. That’s the sex I remember. Sex were we were into it. But routine sex? Sex because we’re bored? Sex because I knew I wasn’t going to have sex for a long time because I knew we were splitting? That sex was both underwhelming and forgetable.

I have to look after my own needs and desires. I think that’ll take care of everything, just being aware, and not just doing things to try to please a lady. The truth will set you free, and stuff! Just think, once I get intimate with another ladyfriend, I’ll get to bitch about her, instead! OH JOY!

:: smiles ::

I miss licking pussy. Now that, I definitely do because I love doing it. Don’t have to worry about that. …Though, I did put out a lot to make her happy. :: smiles :: I’m the man, I lick a mean cooter!