Evening of 12-10-6

Kind of shut down today. Hasn’t happened in a while. Rather ironic, if you ask me. But I won’t get caught up in dates.

Forget today. Let’s talk the rest of the week. I seem to do good week-to-week. I managed to do nothing Friday or Saturday towards that paper I need to start. One research paper due Thursday. I have no class again Monday, so. It’s up to me to get up early Monday and make the most out of it. I have class all Tuesday, as usual. And I don’t want to leave everything for Wednesday, or it simply won’t get done. Plus I have my A&P Lab Final on Thursday as well. I don’t do well doing two things at once. I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off, if I pull it off at all.

There’s only one way, and that’s through. I know how many hours there are in a day.

I’m worried about winter break. Last year’s winter break was so UTTERLY DEPRESSING. And last summer break? MOST DEPRESSING SUMMER EVER. I don’t do well when school lets out. I shut down. I sit in place and stare into space most of the day. I forget to eat. I get wrapped up in the fact that I’m dreadfully bored and have absolutely nothing to do.

I’m already worrying in advance over getting a job this summer. I don’t want to repeat last summer. Ugh, I remember how shitty I felt all June, when I just failed to act at all. I don’t want that to happen. I want to get on top of myself and do whatever it is I need to do BEFORE then. But even writing about it, gah, I just want to hide in a hole. I’m so terrified of applying for jobs.

…

After much thought, once again reckoned my fellatio woes will be solved by open communication. I know this. A formal heads-up, as well as helping a girl out once she’s trying. And calming down. Damnit. I really shouldn’t worry when I won’t be intimate with a lady for a LONG time. Must be a giver’s plight. Eh, I know I’m not the only one who worries needlessly.

I had a new creation this morning. Gotta love The Internets. One apple, one orange, two carrots. Shitload of vitamin C, and more beta carotene than I normally get. Accent with a little water or orange jews so it mixes completely, and it’s a nice mush. As you know, I’m extremely lazy when it comes to food, so any way I can make myself eat is good. With all the dairy I eat, a sudden intake of fruit and veggies made my body go “YAY!”

I still have some rice and beans to eat. I was too lazy to make meat? Something like that. I’m kind of jittery without meat!

…

I thought doing some self-analysis over break, some really organized digging, would be a stretch and needless. But it’s clear I have to stay on top of myself. Hanson strangely fits the somber mood. I should try to make myself sleep soon. Now might suck, but there’s always another day. Never give up. Never, ever give up. I should look forward to my workout tomorrow and take it from there, I always feel better after I lift.