One Test Spanked.

I got a 90 on my A&P exam.

I had some amusing thoughts. Whenever someone tells me they’ve done well on a test, unless I was previously rooting for them and I know they were facing adversity, my typical reaction is “Fuck you.” I hate when I feel like people are smarter or better than me. Like when Ashley told me she did well on her A&P exam, I had nothing but contempt. And that’s just not right, I don’t need to be like that.

Similarly, whenever someone says “Congrats”, it feels like an insult. Colleen said congrats to me, and it felt empty. Somehow, if she were to say “Well, fuck you, smartass”, I’d feel better about myself. Ha ha. I feel joy from other people’s suffering!

Perhaps that’s something one would want to, you know, reverse. Probably better to feel happy for happiness’ sake, rather than contempt or superiority. Perhaps it’s not as hard as I think. The 90 in and of itself made me happy. The fact that everybody else didn’t do so hot was irrelevant, I didn’t really care, I wasn’t rubbing it in anybody’s face. Though, if the rest of the class got 95’s, I’d probably be pissy. Ya know? “Those fuckers.”

If you think I don’t compare myself to other people, you dun know me that well!

OH. Remember that chick next to me who has the entire book highlighted? I believe she said she failed. Go figure. I thought she would have at least passed.