Afternoon Update for 4-13-6

I’m not naive enough to think I’m in such bad shape. I’m just having a minimally exceptional week. In fact, if you caught me at the right moment, I might even say I was doing okay. I think the difference is my baseline has risen. I’m not sure how to explain the feeling. I’m down a little, but this down could just as easily have been another moment’s high point.

I skipped class today. Oh, just one. Instead of straining to stay awake in Systems Analysis (and ultimately learn nothing), I went to the library and read a Bertrand Russell book. It calmed me and reminded me that I’m surrounded by stupidity. Yeah, lately I’ve been feeling like I’m swimming in dumb people. They win because they outnumber smart people!

I checked out the Russell book, “An Outline of Philosophy”, and walked to Spanish. I thought I heard my name. I tend to not respond much when I hear my name because usually it’s somebody calling to somebody else. I hate turning my head only to be disappointed. Turns out Ashley was actually hailing me. A small conversation. But more importantly, she hugged me, as she said she owed me one.

I sat outside class and read some more, making myself feel intellectual for once. I remember what Cliff said. He doesn’t actually read the books cover to cover. He just reads parts that entertain him. Or something like that. Kant? No way in hell he’s read the entire Critique of Pure Reason. He just reads it when he wants to be reminded, “Anything is better than reading Kant. Oh god.”

I sat in class. Like a delayed reaction, I thought of all the times this week when I noted, “You know, this isn’t that bad.” I’ve been kind of lazy perking myself, I suppose. Yet, well, I have been trying, to some degree. Not even cognitively evaluating whether that one person bothered to care, I know that receiving a hug is a much different feeling than giving one. In other words, I think I’ll be okay.

(I have to GOTO class now.)