Evening of 3-6-6

I’m so hypercritical of everything I do. It’s ridiculous. Why can’t I just take some fucking pride in myself without being afraid someone will knock me down for being egoistic? HOW CAN I BE EGOISTIC WHEN I HAVE NO SELF-ESTEEM?

I winged the exam and sought out Cliff afterwards and otherwise chatted for a few hours. Most noteably:

“The strange thing about humans is how we can believe things that are false.” – Cliff

We were talking about what interested us about philosophy. I tried thinking about things I’ve written about, as few things in written philosophy is actually practical. We discuss this and that, but how much of it can actually be used in real life? Philosophy of what is tends to be something you accept, then forget about. Philosophy of what you should do amounts to classifying actions as doable and not doable, and well, not much thought there either. Prethought, almost. I’m sure somebody’s done philosophy of thought, but I mean beyond how we think, but the very way I’m even writing this sentence. Anything written on it probably wouldn’t even be something you could write about or think about as casually as it is to simply write this sentence.

The philosophy of this sentence is not something that can be as easily understood as this sentence. : D

Far too much of writing, in both philosophy and basic fiction, just seems completely detached from the world. Why do I care? Pompous, pretentious bastards. Even worse than me. Don’t give me a hundred page intro when your point or main turn of plot can be summarized in one paragraph. Most of Bertrand Russell’s autobiography is a footnote to his one-page summary on the first page. That’s right. He got it down to one page. That is why Bertrand Russell is smarter than you. *giggles*

Bertrand Russell says the major endeavours of his life have been Love and Knowledge. This didn’t surprise me, has he mentioned the two in what I’ve read so far, saying something to the effect that if we used both as guiding principals, we’d be much better people. There is nothing loving nor knowledgeable about blowing up terrorists. (Hey, any chance to bash Republicans. *giggles*)

..Okay, why have I been feeling chest pains all day? (No, none while I was working out.) Quite strange. I get them now and then, but don’t think much of it. Not all day, but frequently enough for me to notice. It’s like.. a tightness? Like I’m not breathing hard enough. Uh. I better not die. My heartbeat/rate is fine, for me. Right around 60 – 65 BPM, though it always feels faster than that.

*shrugs*

I need to brush my teeth more. How can something like that annoy me so much? I swear, the stupidest things get to me.

Oop, there it went again! Right for a brief moment! I felt it move across right over my heart.

And people wonder I get so spastic about hearing their hearts beat. I hate hearing/feeling other people’s heartbeats, let alone my own. Always have. Eek, there again.

Whatever. I have to study for a spanish exam in the morning.