Putting the Plan back in New Plan.

Being avoidant means avoiding something. Overstating the obvious, I suppose. If my mood ever dips, there’s a reason. Expose the reason, suddenly it disappears (if not after being dealt with).

Tackling the weekend dip was a matter of having something to look forward to. Of course, I become pessimistic due to the lack of things to do. Which is an excuse, as I avoided any chance to do anything pleasurable this weekend. (Exermacising aside.)

Structure. If I GOTO bed knowing what I need to do in the morning, I become almost anxious to hop into bed. If there’s some giant grey blob awaiting me, time to waste, I fear sleeping. This, I know.

I can not remain idle for too long, as it will catch up with me. I’m amazingly efficient under pressure, yet why let it come to that?

Except I decided this before. As I feared I would, I completely lost sight of The New Plan. I don’t believe I followed through with my intentions. NaNoWriMo came up, and with something to occupy my time, I fell into a different rhythm.

I fear writing down things I need to do, thinking that if I do, I’ll have an anxiety attack at the time. C`mon, Timmy. Just try, just a little. I don’t ask much of myself. I should do something. A giant list scares me? Nothing about what i need to do is changing, just my perspective of it! And my current perspective is to keep it as far out of my conscious mind as possible.

And I can not continue like this.

On the bright side, I am still getting up earlier. I like it. I’m dreaming more, and sleeping better. …And for whatever reason, my sex drive has awakened. Regardless the reason, whether it be the erotica or rest I’m getting, I’m enjoying my penis whenever he decides he wants to play.

My alarm is set for 6:20 AM tomorrow. I am going to get up and take a shower. Get dressed. Start breakfast. Grab appropriate books from van. Take five minutes to do weight training homework while eating breakfast. (It seriously won’t take longer than that.) Do C++ homework that I’ve been avoiding. Pause, pat self on back, as that’s all I needed to do this weekend. Leave around 7:50 AM, no later than 8 AM. Arrive at CCM. Head to locker room and change. Weight Training at 8:30 AM. Be buff. Change back to street clothes. C++ at 9:45 AM. Be 1337 s-m-r-t. Space out for a bit. Eat. EAT. Space out some more. Read next chapter for child psych. Child psych at 2:30 PM. Leave CCM around 3:45 PM. Have a snack. Do spanish homework. Eat. Plan day for tomorrow. GOTO bed eventually. Dream of naked women.

I love naked women.