I Am A Victim of Circumcision.
It’s as if the moment has already passed on and I am calm again. But I have to find a way to write this. See what I say while I’m calm.
I will fully admit that I try to maintain some level of political correctness when I talk about circumcision. Yes. I am a victim of circumcision. Yes. Victim. It upsets me, it angers me. My body was violated without my consent, for no reason. This is a fact. My penis was mutilated. If you can not see this, then you’re an idiot. Uh oh, I said an insult!
Let’s strap an infant female down and take a knife to her labia. Go ahead. Name your reasons. Try to argue how you this is somehow different from what’s done to us. Yes, us. I am not alone. I will not be marginalized, I will not be told this had to happen to me. No, it did not. There is no reason for Routine Infantile Circumcision. Get that straight. I’m not talking about what people do of their own volition to their own bodies. I support those that want to become eunuchs of their own volition. I support leaving intersexed infants alone so that they may live the life in the body they were born with, rather than be set into the box of Male or Female. They are people, too, who should be respected like everybody else, rather than shunned and mutilated.
I do not have the body I was born with. This is a fact. I am a victim of circumcision. I will never have the full sexual experience that my body was designed to have. As a teenager, I had to use artificial lubricant. Isn’t that odd? Males are meant to masturbate with a protective shealth that glides up and down over the glans. My foreskin was amputated without my knowledge. My natural impulse to pleasure myself interrupted always interjected with a squirt of some lotion manufactured in a laboratory.
My penis is not whole. I am to be told that the penis is the center of a man’s world, as if an insult. Viagra, cock rings, french ticklers. As if we can not see beyond our own genitalia. Prudes be damned, our sexuality is a very important part of ourselves. How many woman once looked between their legs and wondered if they were normal? Nails, noses, ears, belly buttons, we don’t notice these varieties like we do our genitalia. But I digress. My penis is not me. But it is a part of me, and screw anybody who wishes to make me feel bad for caring about it.
I am to be told that so many others are “happy” with their Routine Infantile Circumcision. Just because somebody is happy with their mutilation does not make it right. If they like their circumcision so much, they could have had it when they were older. I am marganized and told to conform, to get over myself, that I should be happy it was done. I’m told lies about cleanliness and social conformity.
Then why don’t we start hacking up Vaginas? We have an entire industry telling woman how dirty their Vaginas are, when us educated people know the best policy with the Vagina is to leave her alone. Females produce more smegma than males. Industry propaganda aside, females are educated to some extent on how to take care of themselves. Stereotypes persist that males can not clean themselves. Well gee, why doesn’t somebody educate them?
I can’t say I washed my penis any differently than the rest of my body until I realized I didn’t have a foreskin. The glans is not skin. It’s mucus membrane, closer to your tongue or the inside of your mouth. Without constant moisture, it becomes dry and insensitive. I am a victim of circumcision. My glans became dry and insensitive. I will not be told how great it is that I was desensitized. Great for who? Circumcision did not suddenly transform me into a marathon man. At the same time, I’m told that “It’s disgusting” that we would want our sons to have a full sexual experience.
I matter. I do not buy into the propaganda that female pleasure is so much more important than mine. I do not buy into the propaganda that male sensitivity is so intense that we need to have our genitalia hacked off.
But this is mincing words. Circumcision arguments tend to stray into reasons that no intelligent person uses. Hygiene is the lazy parent’s excuse. Teach your son how to take care of himself. Raise him, guide him, don’t hack off his genitalia to fit your image. If you fear he can’t deal with this so-called small flap of skin, then look in the mirror. It’s more than a flap of skin. It’s a contiguous part of our genitalia that’s meant to be there.
Appearance is the ignorant persons’s excuse. Social conformity? This is so stupid I won’t address it.
I don’t truely believe mothers are malicious. Yes, I say mothers. You carry this child for nine months. You want what’s best. I don’t think any mother cackles, “HA HA! HE’LL NEVER HAVE A COMPLETE PENIS!” What’s sad is that mothers mutilate their children thinking it’s a good thing. Which brings me to the Bush Doctrine argument. I am to be told, “I will have to be done anyway.” What? Like it’s some infected scab that will eventually try to attack the rest of the body? Infants are born complete with all body parts functioning (all things being equal).
I’m not naive enough to claim the foreskin is perfect. But again, I am marginalized. Women get their own doctor specializing in the needs of their genitalia. What do we get? A piss doctor. (Urologist.) We get a thumb up our butt when we’re older. Does anybody ever tell us that our testicles are functioning properly or that our penis is good to go? And people wonder why we don’t GOTO doctors. I digress again.
Things happen. Just look at the Vagina. Don’t most women get a yeast infection or SOMETHING funky happening between their legs at least once in their life? Don’t we all get colds or fevers? Don’t we get aches in strange places now and then? The foreskin is just another part of the body. Sometimes it becomes under attack. It’s one of the few body parts where we’d rather throw the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe there are cases where amputation is the only course of action.
But why amputate the foreskin of a child who has yet to live? A fully functional part of the body, gone. Why? So he won’t have to go through adult circumcision? That’s a poor excuse. I am a victim of circumcision. Adult circumcision has reason, it has consent. Prevent pain? Oh no, the big man won’t want his penis cut off. So you’d rather do it when he can’t consent? That’s rape, my friend.
Yes, I dare go that far. Take a female infant, strap her down, and do unspeakable things to her genitalia. Then just try telling me that, “Well, she won’t remember it, so it doesn’t matter.” I dare you. I am a victim of circumcision. It does matter, and it’s wrong.
The problem is choice. I do not believe in Bush Doctrine preemptively cutting off organs. If a surgery needs to be done, then let there be a reason for it. Then I can be told, “This is why your foreskin was amputated.”
There are two types of circumcised males. Those that deny they are missing anything, and those that accept that they are missing a part of their genitalia for no reason. And don’t bring up the intact guy that thinks circumcision is the best thing since sliced bread, voluntarily hacks off his foreskin, then decides for his son that he shouldn’t have a foreskin either. YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR CHILDREN. Two people make love to create a new independent person. It is your duty to raise them and guide them, not decide who they need to be. If surgery is required, so be it. We want our children to grow up unscathed and to lead full lives.
Circumcision robs us of bodily and genitaliac integrity. I am a victim of circumcision. I do not have the body I was born with.
I try to be “objective” with people when I talk to them. Arguing with someone who doesn’t understand hurts, every time. To deny my emotions is to deny the very reason why I became in foreskin restoration in the first place. The very reason why this is a passionate topic. Every time I talk to someone who thinks circumcising is a good idea, it’s as if saying to me, “If you were my son, I wouldn’t give you a choice. I’d take a knife to your foreskin and let the bloody ends heal together.”
I am a victim of circumcision, and I am NOT HAPPY.
So you’ve read all the info, and decided that it’s still your choice to mutilate your children. I’ll say what I never bother saying: You’re wrong. Circumcision is neglegant parenting. It does not mean everything you do is wrong. But Routine Infantile Circumcision is wrong. I’d like to take a frying pan to every person that thinks this had to happen to me.
Of course, my pain doesn’t have much to do with the society or the ignorant reasons. It’s a very personal pain. My parents let me down. They made a bad decision. I will forgive them in my own way – but do not tell me when. I have emotions and feelings and they will run their course. My mom decided she “couldn’t be bothered” with me having a foreskin. The person sworn to protect me, betrayed me. Acknowledge it, deny it, this is what happened. There was no valid reason for my circumcision. There was no medical reason at all. My foreskin didn’t hurt anybody.
So that’s why I’m so passionate about it. Every newborn boy is another chance for me to save him from what I’ve been through. It does not matter if he were to grow up and never know the true meaning of the atrocity. We have a right to our bodily and genitaliac integrity. I can not save every foreskin. But the changes that are coming are not for the world I will live in. It’s the world to come, where I hope someday we all accept each other as we are, rather than putting us into a box.
If this offended you, it is none of my concern. I did not bring you here. You came here of your own free will. If you are offended, look in the mirror.
I will not compromise, I will not submit, I will not relent: I will be heard. In the name of my long-lost foreskin: STOP MUTILATING YOUR CHILDREN.
Timmy you should submit this to foreskin monthly. Or better yet, mothering magazine. They’d be happy to publish it. Do you think my sons (meaning would you)would like to hear an apology for their circs? What would you say to your mom if she apologized? (if I remember correctly, I wasn’t given an option when they were born. )
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It’s interesting how some cultures deem female genital mutilation a necessary part of conformity, and because westernized cultures don’t, it’s considered wrong. Some cultures don’t mutilate the genitals at all, but rather pierce an earlobe, or drag a knife along skin to make scarred tattoos, or shave hair. It’s strange how many ways one must change from how one was born in order to be “accepted”.
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A case of being acceptable to others, completely neglecting the acceptance of self. Weird, humans are.
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If I ever have a son,I will leave him intact (even though my husband disagrees (probably because he is circ’ed),he has agreed that we can leave him intact) I think it’s horrible that as a civilized society we are still practicing this ridiculous mutilating ritual. I agree-submit this to Mothering magazine!Its all about natural parenting and they had a big article on it a few months ago…
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After witnessing my first son’s circumcision I refused to allow it for my second son.
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Kudos. Start the revolution.
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This is good stuff, sweetie. I don’t believe much in moderation, in case you hadn’t noticed. xxx
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no son of mine will be circumcised.
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Found you on RC. My husband is not and it makes a HUGE difference in sensitivity. He has WAY more feeling than any other man I have known. I would never deprive my children of that. My parents are all upset about this choice, and it has been hard to counter their arguments, any suggestions?
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Well, I was talking to my boyfriend a long time ago and we said if we had kids we would get him circumcized, too (it’s all i’ve ever seen/my boyfriend is, too.) I never really knew much about it, though. After reading this, I really think I should leave him intact and let him make the decision when he’s older. The only thing is we wouldn’t have any idea how to clean it, but we could learn. 😀
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Hi.. read you on readers choice..great entry. I am 63 year old female. My husband was not circumcised, whilst all his contemporaries were. Neither is my son or his son. I believe circumcision is related to religion rather then any health issue. In my country of Australia you have to request circumcision for your male babies. In the past it was done automatically. Thank God for some progress.
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Great entry. I wish I’d been educated on this topic before I had children. When I had them, it never occurred to me not to have it done, it was just one of those things that happened. The only thing I will argue against is that an uninformed parent does not make a bad parent. Had I considered the choices, had I realized there WAS a choice, I’d have not done it, same as, on a lesser scalr, my
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my daughter’s ears were not pierced until she chose to have it done. I was wondering if I might have permission to pass this piece along to another friend of mine (female) who is very passionate about the idiocy of circumcision. I know she’d love it. Rose
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Hmm, I haven’t given it much thought, as I am not male, nor do I have children, or do I plan on having children. I know my brother and father were both cut, though.
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Hmmm, looks like someone beat me out to adding this entry to reader’s choice! 🙂 Rose
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I passed this along to a friend, too.
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Dude, I’d be pissed if my ‘gina was hacked, too. I agree with you, which is why my husband and I don’t believe in snipping our boys.
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im YEARS away from having children, but wanted you to know your speech at least reached one person, and circumcision is not something I’ll look at the same way again. Thanks for the eye opener.
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Oddly enough, some guys seem to think foreskins are ugly or something… I remember the first time I saw my boyfriend’s penis, and he was a little self-conscious, “as you can see, I’m not circumcised… is that okay with you? does that bother you?” Every time I make a comment about his foreskin (always in an interested sort of way, not critical), he’ll be like “it doesn’t bother you, does it?”
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It’s as if there’s some sort of stigma that I’ve never heard of that he’s picked up on from somewhere, like foreskins are ugly and girls won’t like them. I mean, personally, I didn’t even know what I was looking at until he explained it to me, but I can’t see why anyone would think they’re ugly or anything. I think they’re kind of neat, really, a built-in sleeve for your most sensitive part.
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NEVER conform. 🙂 *hugs*
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RYN: Well I’m hearing 10 different stories. What IS going on? So.., he’s not deleting anyone’s account? Okay, that’s really all I needed to know. Thanks.
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A friend sent me the link to this entry, suspecting that it echoed my opinion exactly, and it does. I congratulate you for writing this entry, and I am going to pass the link around in turn. I am very sorry that your parents made such a poor decision that will forever affect you. The older of my two brothers was circumcized, and it breaks my heart to know. I will not circumcize my children!
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Circumcision is an interesting topic. When done to females, we call it female genital mutilation. Why so acceptable with males?I watched an episode of Sex and the City once, which I’ve been curious about ever since. It seemed to suggest that male circumcision is fairly common in the US, which surprised me. Outside of certain religious groups, I think its virtually unheard of here.
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RYN: Thanks for the note. The importance of Greek life really depends on where you go to school. Sororities/fraternities are more popular in the south it seems and honestly Greek rush rates have gone down in recent years. In the late 1800s to early 1900s it was almost required that as a college students one pledges a sorority/fraternity. The reason why sororities/frats are called “Greek” is
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because they use Greek alphabet letters to identify themselves (Alpha, Beta, Gamma, etc) and because secret societies in academia first began with the ancient Greeks, the American Greek system was originally mirrored after this but has since drastically changed. Now about your entry, female circumcision cannot even be compared to male circumcision. The point of female circ is so that woman gets
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no pleasure from sex (her clitoris is cut off, circumsized males still receive pleasure from sex) and the practice is often done in unsterile conditions (male circ is never performed in such a way) and a woman needs her labia to protect the sensitive tissue of her vagina, a man doesn’t need a foreskin to protect his penis. Male circumcisions are performed so that a man’s penis remains clean and
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free of infections. I don’t see how a male with a foreskin can even wear a condom. This is my personal view but if I ever have a male child he will be circumsized and I would never be involved with a man who wasn’t.
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#1 is cut, #2 isn’t. Forgive me?
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re: ty 😉
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This entry is great. I am glad you wrote it! My son is intact and I get so angry when people say negative things to me when they find out. I totally agree with what you wrote and applaud you for speaking out
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You use the word victim a lot–a word I despise. But I will use it here: I was a victim of childhood rape. Repeated childhood rape. For years. Rape cannot–WILL NOT–be compared to circumcision. You were also a topic of conversation at the bars last night. No one believed me.
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Timmy, I can honestly say that as a circumsized male, I have never given this topic more than 20 seconds of thought. Well, it took me more than 20 seconds to read this, but other than that – I’ve never thought about it. My circumsized penis gives me a great deal of pleasure w/ or w/o lube. I wouldn’t have a problem with foreskin, but I don’t have a problem without it either.
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Awesome entry. My husband likes to point out that 33% of sensation is lost when the foreskin is cut,so he feels rather cheated that he’s enjoying 33% less sexual pleasure than un-circ’ed males. Or something like that.
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And you know…that whole reasoning people give about how they’d like their sons to look like the father,in penis terms,because the child will feel “different” from dad….does that seem odd to anyone but me? How many men stand around and compare penises with their growing son’s? I mean,I dunno..maybe this happens and I just don’t know about it but that would seem pretty weird to me.
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wow, your so angry about this. You have some very serious issues! And you should never, ever compare circ to rape. ever. you need some therapy.
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Dude, you seriously need to quit your bitching. There’s nothing you can do about it now. “Victim” or not, deal with it. You just talking about this, is like talking to a wall. There’s no point in complaining when there’s nothing YOU can do. Besides, I wouldn’t talk about your cock. Just by looking at your face I am turned off. You might wanna fix your appearance up before you…
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start talking about your dick.
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No, it does not discount my experience but it doesn’t come anywhere near it, either. While I can’t imagine being a circumsized male–or uncircumsized, for that matter–you obviously have no inkling of what happens to a raped child. Loss of sensation and a feeling of “missing something” doesn’t even compare. You are either naive or extremely insensitive. I’d prefer to think you’re just naive.
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P.S. As I mentioned, this has caused a lot of discussion at the bar and over lunch and I and my friends think along the same lines: everyone has a viewpoint. There are plenty of happy circumsized males and unhappy uncircumsized males (mine being one). While you may regret the decision your parents made (plural, as fathers have a say in this matter, too) there are plenty who are thankful for it
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Blah above noters is amtealithlihdqslihglijqf. whatever.. *hugs you tight* and you know as I told you, you were the one to make me rethink the idea of circumcision and see that it did imply more than I thought – being a Jewish and all -. Love, R.
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and others that regret that their own parents didn’t choose to circumsize them. It is an issue that is very complex and while issuing your opinion and disseminating information is commendable, comparing to atrocities that don’t match up is truly alarming.
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You might also want to educate yourself more: http://www.circinfo.net/
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It is all just a matter of opinion. No big deal one way or the other.
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Just to be fair, a vagina can’t really be hacked off… but that’s not the point. This is really good writing. Oh, and in some countries, the women have their clitoris hacked off so they won’t feel sexual pleasure ever in their lives so they won’t cheat on their husbands. Wouldn’t THAT suck?
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There were probably reasons for your circumcision, just none that you approve of. Besides, the motivation was most likely benign and even born out of affection. Man your life must be awesome is circumcision is the most upsetting or scarring thing that ever happened to you.
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RYN: True, true. But I was just saying that getting your clit off is worse than the foreskin… the clit is the source of female pleasure. Without that, sex is just… movement. Sucky!
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I hope you don’t think most women are the ones to decide the fate of the male. (I just read a woman’s diary that went with her husband’s decision against her judgement) As for me and mine How can you strap a baby down like that and make any baby intentionally cry is my thought. It seems like child abuse. I think most women go along unknowingly with their spouses decision.
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OK, OK, you are a victim of circumcision. As if the title and the entire entry wasn’t enough to let us know that, you felt the need to repeat the statement like a mantra throughout, which is rather annoying. Incidentally, I agree with you – but it’s a religious thing, isn’t it? And you can’t argue with religion because then you become offensive to somebody. I don’t see any reason to do it though.
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People who say “Well they might have to have it cut later in life, and it’ll be more painful, so just do it NOW,” make me angry. Say a child has a history of heart disease in their family… should you rip out his ticker as soon as he pops out? I think not.
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Your above noter suffers from the same blinders you do–circumcision is an outpatient procedure, heart surgery or having your mammaries removed or any other like procedure can’t even compare in severity, recovery time or trauma. Okay, you’re angry and upset about your circumcision.But don’t try to magnify your pain by comparing it to the incomparables in life–rape and heart surgery, way worse.
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And if my clitoral hood was removed I don’t KNOW how I’d feel about it. I can’t presume to know. I might be upset, I might be okay with it as most circumcised males are. As it is, the clitoral hood presents far less medical problems than the foreskin does. Its removal is usually meant to subjectify women, not make them pretty or clean or safe. Once again, motivations.
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Well if that is all then you should have stuck with that. Yes, your pain is valid and yes, it could have been prevented. Should have? Well that’s the issue in contention. And is it equitable to those that suffer childhood abuse? Another issue in contention.
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My son is uncut. And yes, it was because debates like this led me to do my own research on the topic. When we know better, we do better. – Maya Angelou.
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I can’t believe people still cite known fetishist sites like circlist and fathermag as backup for their arguments…
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you couldn’t be MORE RIGHT!!!!!! I’m not happy either!!!!
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When my son was born i didn’t mutilate him that way. I totally agree with you my new Hon.
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Oh Timmy, I read this entry before. I beleive that you pointed it out to me? I just chose my battle and decided not to comment.
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I think it’s brave to “come out” about this issue. You hear moms arguing it all the time, but one hardly ever hears from the men affected by it. Fantastically said.
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I have an understanding of the sensitivity from a former boyfriend who was not circumcised. He explained pretty much what you did up there. I disagree with your argument that YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR CHILDREN. We do, until the Age of Majority. You can’t put a newborn baby on the sidewalk and let it fend for itself. It can’t. Just sayin’.
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So, imo, that point is moot. People still have the right to make the choice for their children for religious reasons or personal reasons. However, I understand where you are coming from. What is the harm in waiting until a man can make the choice himself?
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You’re kidding right? Please tell me this is a stupid joke… You’re a victim of circumcision? Oh, you poor little thing. You definately have it so much worse than the kids in Africa dying of starvation an AIDS. Your parents must have been quite sadistic people to subject you to such CRUELTY! You can never go through life with a circumcised penis! Oh the horror! Taking a knife
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to the labia of a girl is different because girls NEED their labias for cleanliness. Men don’t need the foreskin. They can function without it perfectly fine. There is no loss.
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Just read this entry, linked off of LJ. I agree completely, and I do think you were a victim. The mentality used to justify cir’c is like saying “OK, Never EVER let your hair grow out, because then it will get dirty and need cleaning. Shave it to prevent ever needing to practice personal hygiene.” Sounds ridiculous doesnt it. I wont do that to my sons, because I dont want them feeling violated,
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and doing so would be choosing, in my opinion, to mutilate their bodies. There is NO EXCUSE for it. It makes me feel sick. We are all made this way for a reason. Leave it be. I am glad this entry reached some people who didnt already know otherwise.
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I used to be pro-circumcision…..until i met my current boyfriend and i realized….it’s there for a reason…why take it off? things are just…easier with it…lol…not to mention i just don’t understand why people would feel the need to remove it?
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I am horrified this is still practised in DEVELOPED countries such as North America, let alone the developing ones. You’d have thought Americans would have enough intelligence to realise this is not essential for cleanliness anymore than a father teaching his son how to wash properly as a kid. It’s not hard. All the male members of my family manage it, so I don’t see how it could ever be a problemto anyone else. And I disagree the main reasoning is religion. Nothing can justify hacking off any piece of human anatomy that you were born with.. something so natural, (likewise, I disagree with neutering in animals) other than for medical/health reasons.. (and no, circumcizion is not in any way catagorized as this! If anything, you are at risk of more health-related problems) It’s sickening. No son of mine will be circumcized either, and I’m only thankful the barbaric act is not practised here in the UK. Hope this doesn’t offend anyone.. just letting you know I’m 100% with you on this Tim. I’m truly sorry you had to experience this and yet so little as a result. Time things were changed.
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*looks up at previous notes* God, some people are so ignorant.
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Erm, sorry I didn’t read the whole entry but… I kinda agree with you that circumcision should not be forced upon anyone, and that the people who say you should be happy that it was done are idiots. Not sure what your cicumcision was like, but I know someone who had it done for valid medical reasons by a doctor (not religious reasons), and he’s basically fine with it…
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Having said that, I think you could take a step back and tone down your argument, especially the comments that are hurtful and unrelated to the topic.
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RYN: I turned your notes private because they weren’t related to the entry. I hope you don’t mind… RYN 2: Then that’s fine, I guess. This is your diary afterall — a place you confide in.
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RYN 3: Sigh… I guess people don’t look at the date? They go to your contents page, read your description and click on the link? After all, if you don’t think it’s relevant, it wouldn’t be there, right? Maybe you could write an updated entry on the topic again…
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Hey… I went and read your entire entry…Yes, I believe your one ‘rape’ word was unfortunately misconstrued. My sympathies… >.<
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you are so brave for writing this. I think all the people who take offense to it are probably 1) circumcised men who actually agree with you at heart and are terrified that you are right, and 2) completely uneducated and attention-deficient people who didn’t read your whole entry and probably don’t do very much reading in general. if anyone ever came near my kid’s genitals with a sharp object,
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there would be more than hell to pay. oh yes. also, the Mothers Against Circumcision website once said that “if you can teach your son to clean behind his ears, you can teach him to clean underneath his foreskin.” will continue reading here! best,
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I see this entry prompted many responses…good job !…interesting subject & perspective. I agree the whole procedure seems brutal. I cried & left the room when my son had his…his father stayed.I never thought he may one day feel he had been wronged or violated in some way….I have no idea how he feels…maybe I should ask him…it just seemed liked the right thing to do ?
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I know this is a long time after the posting of this entry, but I felt I would note it anyhow. I circ’d my son when he was born. The reason was poor: it’s commonly done. I didn’t want him to feel awkward around other men because he was ‘different’. Silly, isn’t it? I instantly regretted it after it was done. I learned more about the process afterward as well as seeing first handthe pain it causes. “They won’t remember the pain” is a poor excuse. What you say is true: I didn’t protect my son and “I didn’t know” just doesn’t seem adequate enough. I will regret it the rest of my life, but it was a lesson learned. If I have another male child, he will not be circ’d. I did love your entry though and it’s good to hear this first hand from a male who IS offended at the hacking done to his body. So many men take it as status quo, which I don’t think is right either. I wouldn’t let my daughter’s ear’s be pierced as a baby “because she won’t remember it”. After all, what if she grows up to be a purist? Those holes can never be removed and I did it to her. So no. No more. And thank you for getting the word out.
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