Morning of 2-2-6

Hrm. I just caught myself saying to myself, “Raymond, what do you want to eat?”

Funny, I wonder if I treat everything as the “Raymond, what do you want to be?” question. Dire and important and everlasting. Or maybe I was just making a funny out of asking myself what I want to eat.

I still feel traumatized from yesterday. I have a good deal of homework to do this morning, because I was completely knocked out of any positive mood last night. Escape into school? Wouldn’t be the first time.

I couldn’t even escape into masturbation last night. Coping device, indeed, couldn’t say I was feeling sexy at all last night. So I let it go. I’ll erect again some other night.

Disabled, crippled. I’m sure I’ll feel better soon.

Most of the notes on the previous entry are private. …Thank you. Hrm. Curious. My impulse now is to lie down spread-eagle. It makes sense. I don’t want to be bottled up, I want to be vulnerable.